Fixing a Hole...

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2010-06-11T14:50:00.001-05:00

27. Keep on truckin'

2009-04-22T14:11:00.003-05:00

Well, I asked for my life to pick up, and that's certainly what it's been doing. Sure, I spend a lot of time playing WoW every night still, and with the ne Ulduar 3.1 content, you can't much blame me. (Take my word for it) but at the same time, I'm not just playing WoW to fill the hours anymore. I hop on, do my dailies to relax while listening to music for an hour or so in the afternoon, then I log off until raid time pretty much. I've gotten into a new RP, which while it sounds like more nerdy internet time - it's very invigorating for me. I've been writing again because of it, which is why I'm addicted to RP, plus, you know Harry Potter nerd + other writers/HP nerds = Love. But I like writing enough to want to do it a fair amount, but not enough to do it without motivation or incentive to. So I love having that going again, gets me off WoW and doing something a little more stimulating on the computer.

I've started working out again too. We finally cleaned off the damn treadmill and it's been really nice outside, so I've done some walking and jogging lately. Always feels good. Last Thursday, a few online friends of mine stopped by to visit and go to the Mall of America with me - so fantastic to be doing things and have plans and be out with people. Kate basically shopped for summer clothes for me, which was awesome because now I have stuff I can wear for my new office position that's nice and casual-professional. I'll have to go shopping again in June when I've hopefully lost a bit of weight. Then Friday night my brother and I roadtripped up to Eau Claire to meet my friend Kayla for dinner and gossip, then we stayed at a hotel watching a horrible "scary" movie with Nathan Fillion in it. It was really cool getting away from the house with my brother. We never run out of things to talk about (even if conversation does dissolve into WoW half the time) and I say this every time it happens, but it continues to surprise me every time I realise he's an adult now. Weeeeeird. He had to get up the next morning to go take his UWEC placement exams since they were kind of the reason we were in Eau Clair to begin with and I couldn't help but wonder what next fall's going to be like without him. He'll be at college living his own life and I'll be the one stuck at home and doing things here.

It's kind of a bummer, really. I mean, I'm so happy he got into UWEC and I hope he really thrives there with his music. To hear him talk to Kayla about the program was so fantastic. I could just how into music he's become and that hell, wow, he really does know his stuff.

Continues to motivate me to look into going back to school, at least part time. I need to. I'd love to keep my job at the moment, but what I do outside my job needs to be different next year. I want a life again. I called River Falls and it looks like doing something part time's gonna be difficult as most of the classes I need are during the day, but the good news is, I can see their class schedule for the fall already so I can go and find all the ones I could possibly do and have them ready to list if the admissions office/advisors seem skeptical. And the part time gig would only be for a year, so maybe I can get any gen eds or requirements like Spanish I need done out of the way that might be available later and then I can come on full time fall 2010. Other option might be some classes at century, although most outside of normal hours classes are probably online, and I'd really like something to get me out of the house and motivate me.

Then again, this is all assuming I even HAVE this job next year. I got my pink slip yesterday, so as of now I technically don't have this job next year, and it says I can reapply online as an external candidate again, but my ob in particular also relies on grant money. Sure, grant money they've gotten for 10+ years now, so I don't see why they wouldn't again, but it's frustrating that I cant do anything about it until I *know* either way. So my parents advised me to look into other avenues in general, which I suppose I will.

But now I must go home and veg. for a bit.

26. I get by with a little help from my friends...

2009-03-24T13:21:00.007-05:00

Back at home, back at work, etc. etc. Man... I was so emotional coming home on Sunday night. I'm such a SAP when it comes to my college friends. I miss them so much it can drive me a little crazy. I've got about four people now saying how awesome it'd be if I moved back down to Florida. And they're absolutely right - it would be VERY awesome. However, my job is here, and while it's not a permanent job in any sense of the word, it pays well, has fairly nice hours, and most importantly - I enjoy it. If I moved to Florida I'd lose the one reason I can consider moving out these days. The cost of living in Orlando or Boca, or even Florida in general is a lot higher than around here, and jobs don't pay nearly as much - even if I got an equivalent education job, their public school system down there is way underfunded. And without said nice job, I lack the funds to pay rent, and then that means that I won't be able to get the apartment.

So really, my only options if I really want to try and move to Florida are getting INSANELY lucky and somehow finding a job down there that's as good as my current one - or going back to school full time down there so that my parents would help a bit with rent. FAU looks to have a way nicer education program than I'd anticipated, so it's not... out of the question or anything, but there has to be a damn good reason to spend the money to move all the way down there and then subsequently spend the money I'd have to to travel home every holiday, yadda yadda - and I'm afraid "awesome roommates" don't count as great reasoning. Definitely a big ol' Pro when considering the option, but it can't be the only thing I get out of it that I couldn't here.

I really need to get my ass back in school, at least part time. My mom's wondering why the urge to move out and make friends and get out of the house hasn't motivated to applying and getting the ball rolling - but my thought is kind of like... isn't that what screwed me over the first time I went to college? I ended up not being there for me or for school. I wanted to go back every year to get out of my house, to be with my friends, to be in that awesome atmosphere. And lo and behold, I dropped out because I wasn't motivated by classes. So why would I want to start that cycle off straight away by only going back to school because I want to be in the social environment of it again and to move out.

Sure, I know I want to go in a different direction now, and I feel much, MUCH more strongly about it these days - but is it enough? I dunno. I'm pretty petrified about going back and failing again, just think if I failed all the way across the country? Again? I'd be screwed. So part of me just can't quite wrap my hand around the possibility of going far. The other part of me can't stand having found people I felt like I belonged with more than anyone, and willingly putting myself so far away from them. Especially if they're in the same sort of 'could-use-a-roommate' position I am. Mom says don't worry, you'll make new connections wherever you go... which I know will help a LOT. But... I want my old connections back, dammit. XD I feel so at ease living with Alexa and just sitting around doing our own things while having the other to bounce ideas off of, or tell each other about our day. Having her presence around last week, even if we were both doing different things on our laptops... that's how I always imagined it'd be if/when we'd get an apartment together. And then going out at night or just picking a free night to watch a movie together or go out...

Hell, I felt at home chilling with Rob and Rick, chatting happily about WoW, getting meals together, talking about money and work. And Chris, even for just the day, going shopping with him, discussing our current weight loss (or lack thereof). Then having Megan around for a week in February, talking about our schools and having each other to joke with again - and Kev, man, I forget how big of a connection we made sometimes since we don't talk often, but when we do get the chance to talk? Bam, it's like it's been a day. They were my FAMILY for four years. I was way more crushed about leaving them than my actual family, shouldn't that mean something? And Mom reminds me of the drama and it's like oh please. ANY group of friends has drama, just like our family has plenty of drama. Drama doesn't scare me. I know what soul-draining, regrettable friends feel like - the ones you DO want to avoid. And they're not them.

Hell, Allie and Eric need a live at home nanny. Even THAT's tempting. Maybe I should think about this when I'm not all wrapped up in the sheer emotion of missing my friends.

Or maybe I just take the fire it lit under my ass and run with it. All I know is thinking about it constantly since returning is exhausting.

25. Robtar, Disney, and Puking... oh my!

2009-03-19T23:10:00.008-05:00

Funny how a place that felt so unlike home for four years of my life almost felt homey as I returned to it. I always said while I really did enjoy going to school in Florida (aside from hurricanes, etc) I never wanted to live here.

Now I'm not so sure. Well, okay, maybe part of it is the fact that it just brings me back to being at school again and my friends being here and things, or maybe part of it is just that a place always looks better when you return after being away for a long time - Minnesota did too. But I remember coming into the familiar Orlando airport on Saturday and a big part of me suddenly felt like it was right.

This of course was all outside of the part of me that felt SICK AS HELL. I woke up Saturday at home feeling feverish and proceeded to throw up. Hoping it was just something I ate combined with tylenol, I packed in a half-hour and felt fine on the drive to the airport. Grabbed a muffin and some water on my way to the gate, got on the plane, buckled in and all, then right as the seatbelt sign went on, I felt my stomach lurch again and I quickly made my way back to the toilet of the plane and threw up again. It was a little frightening, being in the bathroom when the flight attendants were being told to prepare for take-off. But I sat back in my seat and with some Sprite, managed to feel better.

Seeing Rob again is always utterly faaaabulous, of course. His boyfriend Rick is a total sweetheart too, kind enough to let me crash with him. We got up early on Sunday to make our way over to Animal Kingdom - after me waking up at 5am to puke again. Was visiting the bathroom every chance I could for the majority of the morning as well, but we managed to get to the rides we wanted, but I finally had to admit how shitty I was feeling to the boys. Puking after I ate ANYthing, and going to the bathroom as often as I could... not a fun way to spend Disney. We visited health services and I downed some Pepto and popped some Imodium - hoping hoping I'd be able to keep down some of the deliciousness from Epcot: Italy.

We met up with Tiffany and headed over to Epcot. Rob and Tiff oogled the hot waiters, and I had no such luck with the food. Of course it was exactly what I shouldn't have been trying to put in my stomach, but they had no broth soups or crackers, dammit. Afterward we were walking back to the Monorail, but I felt like Such. Shit. Felt like I was really going to pass out in the 90 degree weather and dragging my feet 10 yards behind everyone else. I would have asked to just go home if we hadn't planned to meet Rebecca over at Magic Kingdom.

But then Rob had one of his strokes of genius: The Wheelchair. At first, I was skeptical... did I really want to trade slowing them down by lagging behind to forcing them to push me around all day? Well, it ended up working out fantastically as not only was it one of THE main sources of entertainment for the rest of the night, but it let me save all my energy and put it into actually having fun. Man, it was awesome! Plus, it got us some nice cuts in lines. Seeing Rebecca again was a thrill, like always - we keep growing up in different places, but we're still the same people as ever. I love her to death, although it would have been nice to get a chance to actually sit and talk with her. Since we were getting line cuts, we were actually on the move for most of the evening, and being in a wheelchair makes it hard for you to participate in walking conversation when it forces you to crane your neck up the whole time, AND forces them to bend their heads down to you too, which is hard when they're trying to walk. But yeah, I'll need to really call and talk to Rebecca soon. Been far too long.

Was an interesting perspective to say the least. Saw many a Disney bathroom and would be the first in line to sign a petition for them to improve the quality of their toilet paper, but, it ended up being a great day. I wish I'd taken more pictures.

In fact, I need to take more pictures period. I've hardly taken any this whole trip and dammit I didn't get one with Chris yesterday. Yar. I've also decided I'm going to have to get my own phone and phone plan, because Rob, Alexa and others do more texting then calling these days. And my brother just got what limited, expensive texting capabilities I did have taken away.

More later, but for now, I'm gonna use what little time I have here to revel in my current social opportunities.

24. Social Nerd... yes.

2008-12-21T19:05:00.003-06:00

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I post because that's much more spot on than any "How Nerdy Are You?" quizzes I've taken. :D

23. Past-Meg Does Not Want

2008-12-19T10:36:00.003-06:00

Finally writing again - it's true, I failed my NaBloMo goal, however there's always another month and the fact of the matter is I really enjoyed doing it, especially getting feedback from friends I don't get to talk to every day and realising, even if I'm not having new adventures at college every day anymore, my life's still got enough stories to tell not to be boring.

On Tuesday this week, I had a tech meeting in the morning, hosted at my old elementary school. I haven't been there in years so after it was over, I was on my lunch and still had to go to Wal-Mart, sooo I thought I'd take a few minutes to look around before heading out. The obvious reactions were there: I remembered the halls but things have changed - there are new teachers 'names where all the old ones used to be, the walls have been redone here or there, it wasn't nearly as dark as I remembered with the front hall being done completely in a deep brown brick. I thought about popping down to see the old band teacher cause he was a young guy back when I had him and I knew he still worked there... but no. I knew exactly which teacher I couldn't leave without peaking in on. In hindsight I'm a little embarrassed - that morning I'd forgotten to set my alarm for a half hour earlier so I had to run out of the house with no shower or make-up and very frazzled. I wasn't looking my best - don't know why that would matter to a teacher who had me when I wore nothing but sweatpants, or who coached me in those ugly softball uniforms... but it did. I hear Mr. Belter's booming voice before I even got to the end of the hall and lucky for me his door was open and he was standing at the front of the room in perfect eyeline of anyone who walked by. So I gave him a little wave and he obviously recognised me and waved back, although I could tell he wasn't sure how he recognised me. I chilled outside in the hall for a minute or two while he finished telling the kids their math assignment, then he came out to meet me - and I adore Mr. Belter.

He squinted at me and said "I know you..." I laughed, hinted that I was a previous student and softball girl and he I could tell it was on the tip of his tongue. As soon as I gave him my name, he pulled me into one of his big bear hugs and asked me how I was and what I'd been up to. The part that I'm still thinking about is my answer... I told him about my job at this elementary school, I told him I was there for a tech meeting... then I told him I went to school for digital arts, and when he asked if I was done with school I said yes. As in, graduated. I didn't really lie - though I have NO clue why I said digital art when I switched to Studio... and I knew full well he was assuming I graduated, but I didn't clarify otherwise. Then he said, with this big proud grin "I'm not surprised."

Yeah. I wouldn't be either as that's exactly what I was supposed to do - go to school for something I love, graduate with flying colors, be one of those Good Students I always was - not just in Mr. Belter's 6th grade class, but through Jr. High and high school. Ask anyone from my past and they would never have thought I'd be a college dropout. I've been getting away with telling most people that I just withdrew because I wanted to change programs, but the many F's and absences and breakdowns that led to that decision aren't ever in the discussion. The last thing I could do would be to disappoint my absolute favorite teacher in the world. I told him I was working until I could go back to school for education, again, he was ever-so proud and supportive. He brought me into the classroom and asked if I wanted to sit in and help out for the day. I would have given anything to be able to say yes and observe him teach from a non-student perspective. He's so awesomely joke-mean but in that way that makes kids love him - I think that's the skill Kenny always had as a counselor at camp too. I remember him high-fiving my best friend Nina for shoving a kid in the snow because the guy was being a jerkface. I remember him running us every day, got my best mile time ever that year. There was so much about his teaching style that I'm in awe of, because it seems to work on everybody.

He had photocopies of his previous classes from yearbooks and it was fun to find myself. One girl needed help with her math and he directed me over to her saying jokingly that I could probably help her better than he could and then she proceeded to ask me the circumference of a circle and I completely stood there like an idiot with my brain going "Geo...metry? lolwut?" and I had no clue - luckily apparently she wasn't supposed to be working on that and I got out of it but that was slightly frightening.

After ten minutes or so I admitted that I couldn't stay and had to get back to work, so he gave me another rib-crunching hug and we said goodbye. I walked out of there both so happy to have seen him again, especially in the classroom, and also... so, so disappointed in myself. Both that I'd stretched the truth about what I'd done just to make myself look more put together than I am, and of course that I'm not his Good Student anymore. Thinking about it, I feel like I've failed him a bit. Along with a few other teachers, and then of course all the way back to completely failing my parents.

It's all in the past, you know? And what's done is done, it does no good to sit here and stew about what I should have done because for some reason I didn't and the only thing to do is focus one what I'm doing now and what I'm going to do in the future. But I really can't help it when I'm reunited with my past constantly here in Stillwater. I love the town, I've realised that. I know why my parents chose here to live. But I'm getting tired of making up excuses and fibs to connect childhood-Meg with adult-Meg. They're two different people, and while everyone changes... I think I liked childhood-Meg better.

22. Stories from the... computer lab.

2008-12-09T12:56:00.003-06:00

Had a fairly relaxing weekend - brother's birthday party happened Saturday night, so that was "exciting". Woo ten 18 year olds hanging out in the living room playing rock band. Wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been trying to do heroics for the first time in a few weeks, and was on vent at the same time. But yeah, they didn't help me try to reset my sleep schedule.

Anyway, I've got some stuff I want to write about but I'm not really in the mood at the moment, soooo I thought I'd share some stories the kdis have been writing for the newsletter. We've got a variety today:

"I am thankful for big leaf piles." - I can't help it. The writer/artist in me loves this simple sentence.

"Aliens today were invading my house and they had mind controls so they used mind controls on me. Ten I was one of them. Then they took me home." - I just love that mind control is plural.

"My mom feels like a bear. She wants to sleep all winter long. When she wakes up she will feel angry and I just feel like a kid." - ... whaaaat? I'm not sure if I feel sorry for the kid or the mom here.

The rest are standard "I like butterflies. They are cool." "My tooth fell out yesterday" etc.

21. Tidbits

2008-12-05T13:49:00.002-06:00

Because I'm too tired today to do the complete paragraphed post thing:

- Yesterday morning I washed my hair with bar soap. For those curious, it does not work as well. Hurrah for being in a rush with no family to come to your aid and not having any shampoo.

- Kids have always mashed the keyboard when they're supposed to be typing their names into the keyboard. Some, however, are getting more creative. Yesterday we had a "dylan.com" and an "undrwar" visit the computer lab.

- Girl-Vader is still pretending she doesn't get Cheating. Luckily I don't think she's actually done it since I've been watching her like a hawk.

- Learned how to use what they call a SMART board during the late start yesterday. They're like a computerized white-board hooked up to an interactive projector. That thing's badass.

- Kids in play practice were already able to read their lines with no scripts at yesterday's rehearsal. Leaves two weeks to just work on blocking and expression. Amazing!

- Last night while rummaging for food, I opened the liquer cabinet to see if anything was stashed away. I saw this new fancy bottle in there, immediately thinking "omg new booze!" It was definitely extra virgin olive oil. Sigh.

- Today li'l S pooped his pants. Ah, the smell of K-1. Poor thing.

- Found out there's a possibility of getting some free WoW game time from a friend. Badaaaaaass!

- Thank god it's Friday. I won't feel bad if I go home and SLEEP.

20. Girl-Vader NOOOoooo...

2008-12-03T12:52:00.004-06:00

Thanksgiving break's over and while I really enjoyed sleeping in, and even spending what little time I did with my brother, I need to get back on a normal sleep schedule. I've gotten about 2 hours of sleep for the last couple nights. My problem is I have a really hard time getting to sleep unless I'm so exhausted I have to pass out. Finally got there last night at about 2:30am, konked out while reading something on my laptop and woke up to find my glasses still on and it sitting on the bed in sleep mode.

Ross got Rock Band on Sunday for his birthday, and I think I like it just as much, if not more than he does. We've been having an awesome time with it, even if I have to play drums. I even bonded with his girlfriend when she came over Monday afternoon because she played it with us, and is brave enough to do vocals. We laughed and made fun of the ridiculousness of Ross's character (viking hat, goggles, blue hair and beard, plus the ugly, UGLY color comb of teal and red in all his clothes AND a warped toaster painted on his face). Jen's may have been pink up the wazoo, but at least she matched and had a decent ensemble. But yeah, been gettig my videogame fix from there versus WoW for the last few days. Plus after the mad rush to 80, I think my brain wanted a short break from it. AND I've been getting back to my forum rp a little bit. Took the time to make new journals and write up some bios.

I'm still feeling really good about my job. Seems like every time Im beginning to feel it's at all routine, I have a day that shakes things up. Not always in a positive way, but a lot of times so, and I love it. Today, we had a boy who's usually very enthusiastic and energetic acting sort of blase and apathetic. He didn't want to stick around to finish his work and he was getting unusually poor scores. One of our parent volunteers was starting to have some trouble with him arguing back about trying a lesson again, so I stepped in to deal with it for her - and apparently he needed a bit of a cry. Poor thing had some kids tell him they didn't like him this morning, and he told me he was lonely and asked why no one was playing with him. He's a good kid, too, so we talked about being lonely and that just because his friends weren't playing with him that morning, it didn't mean they didn't like him, etc. etc. He calmed down and seemed to understand, then tried his lesson again, acing it.

I dunno, kids get upset about this stuff all the time, plus some kids are just little assholes to each other, but this morning struck me a little bit. Not so much that he had that problem, it's not an unusual one for a kid to have, but that I knew how to talk with him about it. Not only that but instead of just trying to get him to cooperate and do his work, that I knew him well enough to ask "what's wrong?" instead. I could just tell he wasn't being himself. It reassured me that yes, I am good at this job outside of the computer part and busy work. I'm getting the differences in how to handle the kids, from the kids in the new play and having a Respect Rule during play practice right from the get-go, where no one talks while people are reading their lines, to this boy who really just needed to talk to someone before he could go back to feeling better and doing his work, to Girl-Vader, who I sadly caught literally CHEATING yesterday. The scores for the lessons just come up in a text document, and as awesomely smart as H is, she figured out it's easily editable and switched the numbers so she had a 9/9. I'd been suspicious for a bit when she'd been getting 7/9, the exact minimum she needed right, on her last 5 lessons but hadn't been able to catch her or Undo the document to the point to see it. (Stupid 1-step only Undo/Redo - I hate it) Luckily, the boy sitting next to her caught her and told me and I was able to Undo and see her original 5/9 score. Sigh. I think the saying about intelligence vs. obedience in dogs can be so true with kids too - the smarter they are, the less they listen to you. It's almost frightening how manipulative Girl-Vader can be. I hope she learns.

But yeah, I'm definitely feeling more comfortable in handling the little kiddos lately. Now if I could just stay awake for the week, I'll survive to winter break.

EDIT: HAHAHA little C, a boy I adore, is sitting across from me doing Spelling Blaster. I coughed and he turned to look at me - then he WINKED and said "piece of cake" and turned back to his computer. Oh yeah, and this morning I had J ask me "Are you even doing work?" when he saw me working (yes, working) on my laptop while the volunteers took care of the lab supervision. <3 them.

19. Ms. Livermore and the Case of the Wrong Pants

2008-11-24T13:01:00.002-06:00

Okay, so I admit it - I FAIL at NaNoBloPo this last week. Oh, I've got plenty of excuses! Good ones too. (If you played WoW, you would understand.) But during the week I usually blog at work and I had to use all my free time to get the newsletter all formatted and ready to proofread for the teachers. It's a good thing I did, because they got it back to me this morning and Barb's printing them all out right now with the edits I made. Much less of a rush this month. And then along with that I was sick as hell from Wednesday night on, and when I was home I was either in bed, sleeping, eating, or attempting and failing to level my mage on WoW. Which is srs business you know. And yeah that is my third excuse. WoW Expansion = LVL 80!!! I'm almost there, and then I can chill out. Jesus, it's like a race... I mean I haven't been really busting my ass over it, but I do feel unproductive if I'm putzing around in game instead of gaining experience.

But after all that, I'm back. It's a pity I didn't blog some of the week last week because I went to a Mozart concert at Orchestra Hall on Wednesday night which was amazing. I forget how much I like his stuff that isn't the Magical Flute. Felt good to be enveloped in a musical experience again. Sometimes I miss playing in band so much.

Otherwise though, I didn't have a whole lot to update about. However - onto the topic of today's post:

Tomorrow is the play performance. The kids would actually be prepared if they shut up enough to concentrate on their cues. I don't think they will, though. At any rate, because tomorrow's the play, today was dress rehearsal. Some kids finally take it seriously at dress rehearsal. These kids did not. Every prop and costume piece was just another thing to distract them. So it was yet again another very frustrating day of play practice. I even saw Kathy, who's son is in the play and who's parents came to see it last week, and she told me that her father had "had to leave he was going to laugh so hard and he said 'that poor woman...'" meaning me. Sigh. That made me feel like a loser. But it turned around after play practice. The boys were sent to the boys' restroom which I stood outside of, and the girls to the girls' with the teacher. All was well and good, the girls somehow got changed much quicker until I was left with a couple boys. B, came out and I heard A shouting behind him "He has my pants!" So I stop B and ask him if he's sure the jeans he's wearing are his. He says yes and trots back off to the colony before I can stop him. Meanwhile, A's peaking at me through the door in just his underwear and a pair of jeans covering his front. "He's got my jeans! These aren't my jeans!" I'm trying not to crack up at this point and people are walking by hearing pieces of the conversation:

"A, just try them on, if they don't fit, we'll get B and exchange pants."
"A, you can at least put your shirt on while you wait."

On of our receptionists walked by and asked me if I was loitering outside the men's room with a laugh. Another embarrassing moment was when, after telling A repeatedly to keep the door shut while he waited, it opened and I proceeded to call his name in reprimand and a full-grown teacher walked out and looked at me as if he'd done something wrong. "Oh.. uh... sorry, I'm waiting for the student in there..." I look a little creepy then. Most teachers knew exactly what was going on when i said "dress-rehearsal" as they walked by.

But I was basically laughing throughout the whole thing. Finally I had to go and get B myself and drag him back up to the bathroom so they could switch jeans. Sigh. Crisis averted.

"He has my pants!!"

Totally worth it.

18. Stone Soup... I hate you.

2008-11-17T14:24:00.003-06:00

UGH, I hate being a female and overemotional at times. Although, considering my usual track record I didn't actually break down today, so, I suppose that counts as a win for me? I don't know.

Had the kids to myself at play practice today and they decided because their teacher wasn't there they were going to be the most rambunctious group EVAR. I know they're all good, smart kids and I know I have it easy compared to teachers who deal with the kids who have severe behavior problems but I was ready to cry today after trying a few different ways to try and get them to calm down and quiet down enough so they could hear each other say the lines. They wouldn't pay attention so they never knew when to come in, they only see me as the computer lady and not a teacher with authority, so they don't hardly take me seriously. No matter what I did, they wouldn't STOP. I kept trying to remind myself, they're first graders, they're not going to actually ever sit still like you can expect from older age groups but at the same time, that wasn't particularly what I was asking for I was just asking them to listen to me and each other and it wasn't happening. Everything made them laugh, some just blatantly ignored me, some provoked others, and a couple even got pissed at the others because they were ruining rehearsal. It really doesn't help that I get them for this right after lunch when they normally will be outside burning off that little kid energy, but there's no other time in the day for it.

It was just embarrassing because there was a parent there watching since it was bring a special person to lunch day and even she felt the need to step in and tell them how disrespectful they were being. Maybe it'll be better when I have actual education training under my belt, maybe this age group just isn't my ideal age group to eventually teach, but it's days like these and moments like this where I question my ability to be a teacher. Because I know things could be much worse off, and I was getting so upset that a bunch of 6 year olds weren't taking me seriously? It feels a bit pathetic. Heh, one little girl who was obnoxious before I stopped them midrehearsal and sat them down to tell them how uncool their behavior was, spoke up afterward "C'mon guys! It's hard enough for her already!" I both adored her at that moment for being a mature enough human being to realise this wasn't easy for me, and wished she hadn't said anything because I'd hate to look like I can't handle it, especially to students. I mean, a sympathy/empathy plea can work with older age groups and did awesome when I was an RA with peers, buuuut for kids you're supposed to have ultimate authority over? I dunno. I just feel like jeez, if I get upset over this, what's in store for me when I'm a Real Live Teacher, and dealing with teenagers who do a lot worse than be loud at play practice.

I suppose all of these things help me get prepared for that. Not to mention I just haven't dealt with so many young kids in this capacity, where as I have done so with teenagers. So maybe it was just inner panic I was feeling at such unfamiliar territory. I do always have this voice in my head wondering what's taught as common practice when dealing with this age-range. And being in an actual school rather than a non-prophit organization camp has me all paranoid I'm going to handle things by going with my gut at some point and it's going to be completely against school policy or something cause as many times as I read the protocols, it's so vague and subjective. Sigh.

At least I got a lot of newsletter work done today. Productivity nom nom nom.

17. ita iz stoopid? maybee?

2008-11-16T15:29:00.000-06:00

I get to half way and I nearly lose it - but I just haven't had a whole lot to write about. I mean, I got Wrath on Thursday night and that's pretty much all I've been doing beyond work and sleep since then. I'll be over my hardcore-ness once I reach 80 and all, but right now I've got guildies to keep up with. Gotta love feeling like you should be out of breath when you're sitting at a computer for hours at a time. Plus I have to say it's been awesome experience content for the first time with everyone else. Sure, people have already reached 80, but in terms of really enjoying new content with my friends and us all going into dungeons saying "who knows, let's do it" is so fun. Plus, Blizzard's really done a great job on most of these quests. They're almost all so much fun!

Today I did some stuff for work though. I shouldn't be bringing things home, but the lab at school literally doesn't have the resources for me to scan and crop this clip art that I need to, and I refuse to do it the old school way by photocopying the pages then trying to resize them with the copier to be just the right size and all tiny for the graphics of the newsletter. I was talking to my dad, and we starting discussing how a lot of things are getting frustrating because of the advancement of the technology in school. The computers in Colony 1 are probably the oldest in the school - granted, they're not that old. I mean, they're the computers that were big in the 90's, I used them in Jr. High. They're not quite back to big floppy disc Apple's that only had black screens with neon 8-bit colors that I used at these kids' age. (I'm not trying to sound old here, I know that in most terms even that isn't CRAZY long ago, but technology gets old fast.) They're old iMacs, most with the old OS 9. Apparently the only reason they haven't been updated to the much more compatible OS X like my desk's iMac is because the ita programs the kids use won't work on those. It uses HyperStudio, which I'd never heard of before working here but as far as I can tell it's like an old Mac version of an interactive PowerPoint? All the kids do is have slide they click through with a voice over reading things or asking them questions to answer, but the trick is that it records their answers, calculating their score and spitting it out at the end. Programming a bit beyond what I know at the moment. Also, only the iMacs support the ita font - which boggles me a little bit because if it's a font file, it should be compatible with most systems, unless Mac switched their font format somewhere in the last 10 years, which is completely possible.

So, while all that would be fine and good if they just said "we have these computers and will only use them for ita things", they're not. Teachers are asking me to have kids go play the educational games online, they want the ita font used in the newsletters I write on more recent operating systems, and they want to keep integrating new technology into their education. So - why don't we contact the ita foundation that gives us this grant to not only hire me but buy supplies for all the custom-made ita books, etc. and say can we have upgraded software? Key word is custom-made. Not only are the books created basically from scratch by staff here, so are the computer programs. The school had a woman with some background in animation and programming (I guess) make all these HyperStudio programs for the kids. It's her drawings in front of them, it's her voice reading the questions, everything. And she no longer works for us/with us, not to mention I heard she... wouldn't be available to ask about them, either. I have no idea why.

So, therein the dilemma. Bill, the tech-head for our side of the district elementary schools say he hopes to have the Colony 1 lab upgraded to all OS X operating systems next fall. Problem is, it literally can't be done with these ita programs holding us back. If you ignore my personal beliefs on ita that gives one simple solution, K-1 here is stuck because there's no getting rid of it. Stonebridge prides itself in this alphabet and it's use, even though most schools stopped it after the sixties.

I ponder aloud to my dad if that was a difference between me and the women who've held this position in the past. They were certainly capable with computers, but were they as tech-savvy as your average 22 year old? Or what about a fairly dorky and geeky 22 year old who spends half her life on the computer and is baffled at the mere concept that someone in the education field can't format a document in Word? I wonder if Kathy and Joan just dealt with what they had because it was all they new how to do wheras I'm sitting here analyzing what all could be changed for the better and literally how it could be done because the limitations are driving me nuts. Hell, maybe they investigated all the avenues I'm thinking, or if they haven't, wouldn't Bill have? He sure as hell knows a lot more about it than I do. But dad said maybe I should take it upon myself, if I have the time, to see what I can do to move things ahead. Of course, as he also said, there's a point where you just have to tolerate the resources you have and that's that, but the thing is I think we have more than we could be using, and I know already Bill wants to move in that direction too.

So the next course of action? Well, before I go forward and do all this shit, I need to consult people - make sure I'm not just overthinking things that have already been attempted and found impossible.

Questions for Kathy and/or Bill:
- Have they contacted the ita foundation about new software/an updated version of the font?
- Is there a new version of HyperStudio that can be looked into?
- Can't a new font be made somehow?

Aaaand back to kicking some Scourge ass.

16. 1,2,3,4, can I have a little more?

2008-11-15T22:29:00.002-06:00

I'm officially half way through my NaNoBloMo, and haven't missed a day! Woo! Again, more Friday Five on Saturday! I'm doig more than one set though, because they're short:

1. Last party you went to?
- Corlett's going away/birthday party the weekend before she moved out to New York. It was fun! Played with Legos with her little nieces and had an awesome dinner and nummy cake.

2. Do you pee in the shower?
- Uh... no? That's slightly awkward.

3. Have you ever fired a gun?
- Nope. Guns terrify me, honestly. I'd be nervous to even hold one.

4. Where do you call home?
- Right now? Stillwater. At the house I grew up in. Sigh.

5. What's your favorite board game?
- I have a lot: Cranium, Clue, and Life are some of my favorites. I HATE MONOPOLY.

-----------------------------------------------------

1. What's your weather?
- Cold cold, been snowing a bit lately, but not enough to stick. Very wet.

2. Where are you on your way to?
- That's a loaded question. No where specifically. Forward in life?

3. Are you good with directions?
- Not really. I get lost a lot, but not cause I'm bad with directions, road things just tend to confuse m if I haven't been there before. I have a big tendency to miss things.

4. Do you know your neighbors?
- One set, yep! The Choinieres have been like a second family to me since we moved in. John and Dan are all off at grad school and college and having real lives and things now like I am, so I don't see my honorary brothers much anymore. But Becky is still so fun to chat with, I wish I saw her more. She's an awesome second mom. I don't know my other neighbors other than they've got a Jack Russel that they really need to TIE UP better cause he keeps getting loose and driving my dog nuts.

5. What do you smell?
- Not much, at the moment. My house, I guess. Little bit of constructiony smell from my dad cutting holes in our walls.

15. No means No!

2008-11-14T14:45:00.004-06:00

What another day at work. I'm blogging now at the end of the day so I don't accidentally forget while WoWing it up tonight, but today was insane. This afternoon at one point I had one of those out of body experiences and saw myself in a movie - I stopped and put a hand to my head while ten 6 and 7 year old kids were all asking for my attention at once. I can just see the blurring, the voices of "Ms. Livermore? Ms. Livermoooooore!" in the background. Man. Barb was "sick" today, and she was supposed to have a sub, but I guess they couldn't get one or something because she definitely didn't. Then I got a call from the office saying that my usual Friday volunteer wouldn't be in again until December because she's now on crutches. Ouch. In both senses. So that leaves Tuesday AND Friday with no morning volunteers, and now that art's done, I'm getting a buttload of kids coming to me in the afternoon too. I felt so awful the whole time cause kdis come in and are either standing in line for ten minutes at a time or sitting there with their hands up for 5, waiting for me to go check their work. But what am I supposed to do?? WHY did both orange and yellow have to be sent at the SAME TIME this morning! And figures the one morning that there's pretty much no badges up on the badge board because instead of staying an extra 15 minutes like I usually do here yesterday afternoon to put up badges, I went home on time to play some WoW. Usually I ave time in the morning to go add badges to the badge board too, I didn't think anything of it. This was the first morning I had kids coming to me about no badges. That was intense.

Of course later, Mary, one of the other paras was just like "Why didn't you tell them you were full? Just send the kids back if you're overloaded." Heh. Oops. Duh, right? Well, I don't even know if that would work, because every time Barb tries that, the teachers are all "no, they're not, go back". Poor kids. I don't mind the afternoons as much because then I can at least have a little more easy-going conversation with the kids. JK, one of my favorites, brightens my day every day.. He comes on in to do Spelling Blaster every afternoon and hell, I don't even have to do anything with him. I give him a smile and a nod, he goes on back to his computer and just opens the program up and gets going no problem. It's brilliant. Plus the kid's just a cool guy. I used to play catch with him on the playground at recess and his mom volunteers every Wednesday morning - she's a pretty cool lady, so I guess it makes sense!

I was definitely in a Mood after lunch though. DST (Super Sweet Teacher is now Disturbingly Sweet Teacher) catches me while I'm handing out phone messages and asks me if I've taken pictures to send to the ita foundation people yet. What? Pictures? When there's a newsletter coming out in a week and a half, a play being put on in the same amount of time, you're sending me all thirty of your kids at once for 20 computers and I was supposed to be taking pictures since you mentioned it briefly as a 'what if' in passing yesterday afternoon AFTER making me send and format and edit your e-mail??

I said No.

And then I walked away.

14. With a little help from my friends...

2008-11-13T21:13:00.001-06:00

Again, nothing too big today because I've got a mage to level with people, but I'm blogging again as per usual. Bit of a stressful day at work today - was multi-tasking about four things at once and finding out the back half of the lab wasn't as prepared as I'd previously thought. Plus a teacher having me proofread HER e-mails and e-mail them - what? It'd take 5 minutes to show her how she could do this herself instead of me taking thirty to get it done in between running around the lab and checking kids off. My dad calls it job security with a laugh - I call it inefficient and annoying. This is Super Sweet Teacher, and the whole adoring me and treating me like I'm ten years old while giving me a million things to do at once is getting old real fast.

Then I did the play rehearsal by myself today and damn do those kids not want to listen to me at all. I haven't had my temper tested as much as I did for that 20 minutes this whole time and then when they whined that they now couldn't go outside (because it took too long, because they would NOT LISTEN) I had to go immerse myself in lab work to cool off. Whew. They're six, what do they know, right? It's just hard to remember when a lot of the kids are so good and even the ones that are fiesty or unfocused at least aren't downright turds. Guess that's the way it goes though. In the afternoon I had a younger girl's sister come in and take her from the lab to go to divorce counseling. I know it's not uncommon, but I don't know it kind of struck me at the moment. Those poor girls.

Had an interesting conversation with the women at lunch today too. It came up the day before that I'd be up late and out at midnight for the release of Wrath (or to them, "Some Videogame") so they were laughing a bit at how tired I looked and wanted to know how the game was and all. I told them what I could, but it's not exactly easy for most (i.e. these) middle-aged moms to understand the concept or terminology of an MMORPG. One said he son does something similar, one kept asking me if it was like Halo, is it Halo?, I know people have those parties for Halo, but at least none of them were giving me the Videogames Are Bad speech. The woman with her son said something along the lines of "yeah my son does that, he gets all hooked up and talks to these complete stranger and they do battles together and all of this". Her expression told all her obvious confusion as to why anyone would want to team up with "complete strangers" for anything, let alone a fake fight of some sort.

I don't know why I found that so thought-provoking, but I did. I guess it's because I'd describe my online friends a lot of things, but the word 'stranger' would never have entered into it once. Whether it's WoW or my RPGs, these people have become as good of friends to me as most of the ones I made in high school, if not better. And not only that, they're all so different and diverse, I've always got people to go to for pretty much anything. Yes, of course, they're not quite like Megan, Kevin, Alexa, or Chris, we haven't experienced our lives together in the same way, but nonetheless some of them have bee there for me since before the senior year of high school. Some are artists, some are writers, some are teachers, many are students just like me. Some are older, some are younger, they include both men and women, many American but a good chunk not. It's just cool to think about. And with WoW and the ability for voice conversations? Raiding isn't just playing a video game with some strangers, it's a social activity that I really enjoy! Which, many probably think sounds sad, and even I get down when I have a night where I'd kill to just get out of the house with friends and I can't, but at this point in my life there's such a limbo. High school friends have moved, moved on, or I've lost touch. College friends will be lifelong, but they're not with me anymore, and we're all getting jobs or continuing school and having crazy new Real Lives to deal with. My dad tells me to just read a fucking book instead and I understand his point, but when it comes to the social aspects of the games, or the people online, this is really not only the most convenient but it's so expansive. Until I settle somewhere or go back to school where I'm put in a social environment every day, I'll certainly enjoy my time with my good friends online, whether I met them there originally, or they're old friends that I can only keep in touch that way. It's not sad, it's not like I sit in a dark bedroom and have no interaction all day with the outside world. I love my "complete strangers" thanks much - like them better than half the people I meet in real life, that's for sure, and I wouldn't have been able to survive the last year mentally without them.

I have been trying to think of ways to meet more people so when I go out for a night I have someone to do it with, but wow. It's proving difficult. What do Adults do for this?

13. WotLK

2008-11-12T22:13:00.005-06:00

Edit:g-g-g-yeeeeeeeeah!

12. So let the people talk, it's a Monday morning walk...

2008-11-11T17:53:00.003-06:00

Okay, so technically it's Tuesday, but it feels like Monday for me what with the kids not being around yesterday, and me starting my new goals today. So far, so good though - as per Megan's suggestion, I've started a blog just for it here. It's boring, I warn you - literally just a list of stuff for me to keep in mind and have for future reference.

It went well though! I love how me writing down what I eat, makes me not eat as horribly. Which is exactly what it's supposed to do, but yeah just thinking about "ew, I don't want to record that I ate that later" makes me think more about what I'm putting in my body. I successfully didn't grab anything on the way home from work and mid-drive, I realised I actually wasn't that tired... with Mom's plotting for us to exercise together and my new goals in mind, I literally paused at a stop sign, took into account that I was actually already wearing my tennis shoes and if I took off my suit jacket I would in fact be in a comfortable tank top and khakis.... I made a left turn to the gym. I even had an empty bottle in my car to fill when I got there. So I spent twenty minutes on the elliptical - sure - not a half hour. But just the fact that I went makes me happy and I realised I shouldn't push it since I think I forgot to stretch much and it's been a month since I last worked out hard. BUT I WENT. And now I'm fucking starving, but mom called and she should be home soon with pizza nom nom nom.

I almost had my afternoon productivity foiled by a lack of laundry detergent - have only enough for the load I put in! Noooooes. Maybe Mom has more hiding somewhere... and since my dad has put in the new TV mount I couldn't find the receiver for the speakers to plug in my iPod and rock out while doing things like I usually like to do at the time since no one's home.

On the upside, the laundry is being done, I haven't failed my goals on day one, and while there's Kara tonight - I don't have to feel bad. I exercised, did laundry, recorded my food, blogged, and it's cold enough out that I can wear the gorgeous scarf my brother got me in France. Ta da!

11. New goals...

2008-11-10T23:10:00.003-06:00

So, I got into a bit of an argument with the parentals tonight. I don't know why I get so upset when discussing anything even remotely sensitive with my father, but I do. It might have been the way he started the conversation very negatively - it felt like he was trying to intimidate me out of considering moving out to an apartment. Now that I've calmed down, I know he just wants me to budget it all out before I keep wistfully dreaming of another place to live in the spring. It makes sense, I'm just so sensitive when it comes to my dad being critical of anything - even if he is right.

Ranted to Ryan a little bit about it, and in doing so kind of decided the only way to solve this is to figure it out, and figure it out well. He suggested I track my spending, which is pretty much an awesome idea. I think I can do that. And then when I started thinking about that, I thought about all these other things I should be doing. Yes, I've been using WoW as my social outlet, but maybe I should really think about it as such, and not be on from the time I get home from work to the time I go to bed. Every time I rehash that I actually do that, I cringe.

My dad and I got into another... not so much fight, but "discussion" before I came up to bed. He's frustrated, and frankly, so am I. I can't let my dad dictate what I do though, whether it's listening to him or going out of my way not to. If he's right, he's right, damn him for being so and for bringing it up the way he does, but that doesn't make him wrong.

He told me - now is THE time to work on myself. I'm working, and can live at home so I don't have to work so much that its all I do. I won't be going back to school until at least next fall... when else am I going to be able to have such freedom to really work on myself? Of course, this is all stuff I thought of last spring as well, but this time around, some things are different: a) I have a job that keeps me getting up in the morning and feeling productive every day, b) My college friends are all out having their own lives and doing their individual things, so there's no wallowing in self-pity about all the friend-gatherings I'm missing out on and c) I *do* have some long term goals in mind now that are realistic, and palpable, and give me a direction for my life to eventually follow rather than looking ahead and just seeing a huge cloud of black and scary UNCERTAINTY in the distance. And I thought about more - can I really do it this time? Can I try and start something and stick to it?

You know, I thought this NaNoBloPo would be fun, and yeah, a bit theraputic... but I'm on week 2 and honestly, really sticking to it has given me even more drive to do so, which means I stick to it more... and I feel like I could do that with something else too. Like recording my spending. Working out an hour every day. Recording my eating habits. 3 things. Kate made a whole list of NaNo's she's doing, one to smell pretty every day, one to grade some papers every day... you know, that's probably a lot better for her than just blogging.

I think, why I keep avoiding doing that other stuff is because it's not stuff I can say I'll do for fun for a month and then whatever, they're steps to change my life. And while those changes would be good, the idea of failing at them terrifies me. So I don't try. Which is the exact fucking reason I dropped out of school. If I don't try, I can always say "well, once I work out every day, I'll be fine" or "once I sit down and figure out my money, it'll be easy". But then I never do so that I can always pretend that it'll be fine when (another Kate-ism) Future!Meg gets all that stuff done. It's paralyzing, and it's hard to shake. Really hard. I've been trying for the last few years. I don't know, maybe I need some extra help to do it. Maybe I just haven't been trying in the right way. Or you know? Maybe I just simply haven't tried hard enough.

Fact of the matter is though - I did it in January. And I'm doing it now with this blog. I can do it with other things. And you know, maybe if I think of it like a monthly challenge at first just to start, keeping it up won't nearly seem that hard. I already feel like that about the blog. Now that I've started, I enjoy it. People are actually reading it (hello stalkers!) and I like looking back and seeing every day have a post. It makes me feel awesome. Which I thought it might which is why I went ahead to do it. So. Time to add a couple more challenges, starting slowly, because as Green Mountain did teach me - you will burn out if you try and change your entire life around at once.

1.) Blog every day.
2.) Go to the gym, take a walk, or lift weights, a half hour every weekday.
3.) Eat lunch at home 5/7 times a week.
4.) Track spending every day.
5.) Track food every day.

We'll start with that. And we'll see where it goes. And wow, this blog wasn't supposed to get so personal, so fast.

10. To sleep, perchance to... Dad, shut it!

2008-11-09T23:07:00.001-06:00

I've realised the main reason I'm having trouble not forgetting to blog before the day is up is because I usually tend to write right before bed - and bedtime, especially for weekends for me is past the midnight deadline. My dad hates it, he's always giving me crap about going to bed earlier amongst other things. That seems to be his favorite as of late. I'm 22 years old, Father, I know it's healthier to go to bed earlier than I do - but I'm also not getting up at 6:30 in the morning every day. I can run on much less sleep than he can and sometimes even better if I have only 5 or 6 hours versus 9 or 10 because my body's so used to it. None of that matters for him, though, he just needs something to get on my case about - and it can't be my weight lately cause he knows I'll throw a million things I learned at Green Mountain at him if he does that, so it's all my other bad habits.

I'll go to bed if I'm tired, though! I don't think he realises this. I can force myself to stay up, but I don't really have a reason to. I've been missing out on talking to and hanging out with a bunch of friends because I've been going to bed around midnight or one versus three or four. I know, ridiculous sounding but when those friends are in different timezones, different countries, or don't get off of work until 10, it begins to make a bit more sense. And I became friends with them back when I had nothing to wake up for and stayed up most of the night anyway.

It's both harder and easier when I get up regularly. Harder to get up every morning, but much easier to force myself to bed at night. I feel the insomniac I was in college slowly ebbing away - It didn't even do it when I was getting up at 6:30 for camp during the summer - I'd still stay up until 5 to talk with people then sleep for an hour, get up at 6:30 to wake kids and go to breakfast, then I'd take a couple naps during the day. Now I'm definitely sleepy at night and haven't been late to work once yet when getting up in the morning.

So Dad can piss off. I'm not going to bed at 10:30.

9. Friday Five... on Saturday!

2008-11-08T23:49:00.001-06:00

Again, I'm feeling really exhausted to blog, but I refuse to fail at this! So, since I've been thinking way too much lately - The Friday Five!

1. Could you live without your phone for 1 week for $500?
Easily! I've lost my phone too many times not to be able to live without it for a bit. It's frustrating, sure, but eh, I don't get tons of calls that I'd be missing and most people would just reach me online anyway.

2. Whom do you talk to on the phone the most?
That's a tough one. Hmmm... well I probably call home for short calls the most often but when it comes to length of calls + frequency calling, I'd probably say Megan at the moment. I'm beginning to feel like it's a Friday afternoon ritual to give her a call after I get off work.

3. Whom do you no longer talk to on the phone but wish you still did?
Whit. Alexa. Ummm... I dunno who else, really. I talked to Whit on Tuesday night after the election, actually and it was so much fun. But we don't talk often anymore and it just brightens my day whenever we do.

4. If you could get ahold of one celebrity phone number, whose digits would you want?
Paul McCartney, hands down. "Hey Paul! Send me lots of pics from your younger days. And teach me your bass lines? And you are amazing. kthxbai!"

5. Do you talk on the phone more or less than you used to?
Hmmm... when I do make calls, they're longer than they used to be in college cause I'm always catching up, but since I'm not calling people 10 times a day to update/get updated on them, meet for meals, see where they are, etc, it's less actual calls, so I dunno!

8. Tired post...

2008-11-07T23:29:00.003-06:00

Ack - half hour until the midnight deadline and I almost forgot to blog! I'm absolutely exhausted as I was up way later than I should have been hanging out with James last night after getting up at seven yesterday morning then nine today. It was worth it and cool though. I took my brother to grab a bite to eat before bringing him to the school for his band trip and we had a really good chat. He told me about some of his girlfriend stuff and it just felt really nice to be so open with each other. I dunno when he became a real human being to me, but he did while at I was at college and it's really awesome. I'm not sure what I'd do without him sometimes, and you know, as much as I really really want to move out and I'm getting insanely frustrated with living at home - I love being able to hang out with my brother as much as I am. When I get my apartment, he'll definitely have to come visit me and stay for weekends and party and stuff. I'll miss him a lot.

I want rock band. And I still need to get Ross Wrath for his birthday. But at the Mall of America today I resisted buying new Beatles t-shirts. I think that means I'm growing as a person. And I'll probably leave it at that for tonight cause I need sleep. Will blog again tomorrow!

7. Walter the MacBook

2008-11-06T22:05:00.009-06:00

So, this is gonna be short cause I'm busy busy with James here for the weekend but I refuse to break my streak of blogging so far. Plus, I've gotten some stalkers apparently. *heart*

Went to Mickey' Diner which looks like the dining car of a train and it was a cute little place and have very butter-fried omelets and loud waitresses. It was fun and talking with all three of them was great. We may or may not see them again on Saturday before James leaves, or if he decides to be a goof and stay until Sunday and not go to work on Monday we might go to the bar and man, I love being social again, haha. I'm pretty much talking his ear off, but he doesn't seem to mind much.

At the moment he's talking to my dad about Canadian politics and a WoW commercial in French. Hahahaha good times. Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner aaand then watched the Office and 30 Rock afterward and now talking to people on WoW and trying to fulfill my blog requirements. And now my dad is done distracting him so I am done with this blog! MoA tomorrow!

I'm naming my MacBook Walter. Thank you, Megan.

6. Afterglow...

2008-11-05T14:39:00.007-06:00

I don't mean to be extremely political in this blog, but with the election and with admittedly how much my heart was in this one, I can't express my happiness about today. President Obama. I can't wait! I re-watched both speeches last night online before I went to bed and I have to say - McCain's speech was very classy and gracious, even if his audience wasn't the most becoming. Props to him. He obviously loves this country very much. I *almost* feel bad that his VP selection shot him in the foot - but then I don't because it helped Obama win that much more. And Obama... well, I was personally willing to let myself be moved by his. He knows how to speak so well, and eloquently, and the realization that the last eight years are finally going to be behind us was somewhat overwhelming. I definitely teared up. Cause I'm a dork like that. It's sunk in more and more, the more I read about it.

Franken and Coleman are still in a dead heat in MN, the votes being recounted with only a 300-700 some difference at the moment. I want Franken to pull ahead, but I was honestly much more passionate about getting Bachman out of our district than the Senate race - and sadly, that didn't happen. Oh well.

Tonight I go home and clean clean clean for James to arrive bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm driving out to pick him up from the bus station in St. Paul, then we're popping across the street to have breakfast with Mike and Diane (Paddie & Bea)! That should be fun! Friday I'll probably take him to the Mall of America, cause... that's my standard for anyone visiting, as there's not much else to do around here! Otherwise I'm sure the weekend will consist of a lot of hanging out and eating out and a movie or two. It's SO nice that today's the last day of the week.

Okay, geek-time. I'm getting more and more anxious about the release of the Wrath expansion for WoW. Next Thursday?? What??? It's just a game, I shouldn't stress - but I'd love to actually level up and experience new content with all my guildies who were all level 70 before I even started playing. It'll be so new and exciting! But I'm anxious because I've got a lot of clean up to do on my laptop before then - moving all this extra music to my external hard drive. Which isn't hard to do but it's ANNOYING because then iTunes is going to freak out on me cause it won't find half of them, and then I'll re-load them all into the library and have to go and delete duplicates and BAH. For as much as I love iTunes, it does NOT make it easy to keep your stuff organized when it's not stored on your default C drive. Maybe I'll undertake one of my severely OCD projects and move and reorganize EVERYthing, then just re-load my entire iTunes library. Must... have... organized.. music collection.... guh.

On the upside though, now that I can take my MacBook with me places, I can probably keep my hard drive plugged into Rupert (my IBM) almost all the time, which will prevent it from losing it's place all over again so much. We'll see. That reminds me though! I need to name this snazzy new li'l MacBook. Maybe I should have it be a chick? Nah, it's too hawt. He'll get a classy name though, fo sho.

Alright, time to wipe down all the computers and go home!

5. Day in the Life...

2008-11-04T11:09:00.005-06:00

Going to make this post a bit different... jot down little notes from the day. With the election news and all, thought it'd be easier than trying to sit down at the end of the day and summarize everything.

11:11am - omg make a wish! HAHA. I just looked at the clock to put down the first time and that's what it is. Gee - wonder what my wish was! Anyway, just finished the mad morning computer lab rush. Was trying to find somewhere online to track exit polls or something, but I guess those are still only tracked when they closed. FOOD TIME. >:D

12:30pm - JESUS. I swear all six year olds are bi-polar. HR came up to me while I was putting up badges, and I always get surrounded by kids when putting up badges, so I try to do it when they're busy/not around. They rarely are though, so usually I have at least 5 kids trying to "help" which means grabbing at the badges in my box and arguing over the new ones I'm putting up. Anyway! HR is a bit of a feisty little girl, I think she may have a slight mental thing, but it's not really noticeable. Could just be severe A.D.D. or something. At any right, she's funny and cute so as much as she can be a stubborn turd I don't dislike her in the least. She wants to help with badges but I tell her I don't need any help right now cause I'm almost done yadda yadda. So she asks if she can help later and I said maybe, so she gets happy, gives me a hug and a kiss on the cheek (I'm sitting on a mini-chair, so I'm at eye-level) and I'm all awwww - then she turns around and goes "WHERE'S MY PINK" in a growly voice. I don't even know what that means. But I am amused.

12:52pm - ... okay, teachers, let's have me work my ass off on ballots to the point where I drew the clip art. And then not use them. What. The. Hell.

1:00pm - All right, my ballots were used by about half the kids. Slightly less frustrated now.

1:45pm - Owned. Obama - 85, McCain - 41. If only my students determined the fate of the nation... er... in this one issue. Hell yeeeah! 1.75 hours until I vote!

4:15pm - VOTED! :D Took me longer to get through the McDonald's Drive-Thru than it did to vote. Wooo for getting off work an hour and a half before rush hour. Whew. So that was pretty easy, haha! Now, to try and chill until Kara tonight... oh yeah, path day in WoW. The Hallowed title, you are mine! Also, talked to Corlett on the phone on the way home and we squeed about Obama's chances.

7:11pm - Watching the results avidly until Kara raid starts up! So far, nothing to worry about but TV stations are putting a ridiculous amount of information on the screen at once. I'm trying to figure out what all these different numbers mean - is that projected? Is that called? Is that for the president or a Senate seat? Bleh! Megan, Kevin, and I disagreed with a guildie who was supporting the electoral college by saying he'd rather that than have the mostly uneducated public deciding these things and it got me a bit riled up. I really disagree with the electoral college - I think it's flawed and outdated and while yes, sucks to have the morons of the country make stupid voting decisions, but if we're a democracy then stay with that and deal with it, yeah? I don't mind everyone having a voice. And it's not even like the electoral college is made up of people making more educated decisions, it's supposed to reflect the majority of the votes in the State. It hasn't always done that in the past cause people screwed up the numbers, not because someone with an electoral vent went "I think they're dumb and uneducated, I'm voting opposite of them." Basically, the college is not doing what it's supposed to be doing and if we go on and on about everyone having a voice - let everyone have a freaking voice! /soapbox

10:04 pm - NBC HAS CALLED IT FOR OBAMA, along with others. I'm not gonna completely breathe easy, but pleeeeeeease. Now just keep Al Franken up there. And a miracle would be nice to get rid of Bachman.

11:38pm - Okay, I have to post this before the night is up so it still counts, but I was just talking to Whit on the phone and I can't believe how relieved I am. I can actually be proud to be under this president. This will take some getting used to.

4. Bono, the King of Ireland

2008-11-03T19:32:00.004-06:00

Stressful sort of day today. I finished the ballots and got the I Voted stickers all ready, but I didn't have any volunteers with me in the computer lab today which had me running around like a short-order chef from student to student again. I wish more parents would volunteer if the teachers insist on ending me fifteen kids at once. It won't even help when I get the other side of the lab up and running because if there's still only one person to check kids off, kids are just going to be sitting and waiting with their hands up versus standing and waiting to be shown to a computer like they are now. But then crap kept coming up all day like it was picture retake day and no one told me that I should come up to get mine taken for the yearbook since I wasn't hired in time for pictures before. So I completely missed that memo until the photographers were already gone. Sigh.

Although the weather was AMAZING today! Since when is it 70-some degrees out in November in Minnesota?? Of course I was stuck inside doing the play versus having outdoor recess for once but I thoroughly enjoyed driving home with no jacket and my windows down. I like that feeling whenever I can do it, but it feels especially good when the previous week you were wearing three layers along with gloves to touch your steering wheel.

But now I just feel a little bleh about the week. It's a short week, but I'm dreading dealing with voting and the election... it'll be nice that it'll be OVER, cause we got probably seven phone calls today from stupid campaign people. I'm nervous though. I'm nervous to vote in person for the first time since the last couple have been via absentee when I was going to school in FL. I hope it's warm out tomorrow too as I can't go until after work and who knows how long the lines will be. I can just feel this knot in between my shoulders not coming out until it's over.

And then I've gotta clean like a mofo so the house is ready for Thursday instead of Friday as previously planned. Mmmm mmm last minute schedule changes, nom nom nom.

I love how it didn't take too long for this blog to get whiny. Oh well. I'll be infinitely more happy if a certain candidate owns face in the polls tomorrow.

3. Cute vs. Badass?

2008-11-02T16:22:00.006-06:00

So I have to make ballots for the kindergartners and first graders at school, and I couldn't find any little bits of clipart to use for a cartoon elephant and cartoon donkey that fit what I was looking for. So I drew my own, by starting with the elephant cause I knew more what an elephant looked like than a donkey. (As in, how to draw a donkey that's obviously a donkey and not a horse.)

Then the dilemma arose: I was very proud of the cute elephant I drew.... Dammit! I'm a democrat! I can't make the elephant CUTER than the DONKEY! Cause I know the kids will probably be voting based on the drawings more than anything else. I know I would at that age.

But how do you make a donkey look cute? Sure I could make it look like a badass devil-donkey - ala Stillwater High Schools making the Pony mascot slightly satanic looking so we didn't look like total wusses (example) - but that'd a) probably only appeal to the boys and the girl who dressed up as Darth and b) is totally not equal to a Cute Elephant. Not wanting to be biased either way, I went ahead and did my best:

2. Halloween & Co.

2008-11-01T21:16:00.005-05:00

So yesterday was Halloween and it was a pretty crazy day at school. I dressed as a Hufflepuff student from Hogwarts and most of the kids I work with, being K-1, just called me "Harry Potter". That's cool, at least they got it! Colony 1 has a party for the morning half of the school day where all the paras get a station and the kids spend 8 minutes at each. My station was where they stood in front of a castel backdrop and I took pictures of them in their costumes. It was a rush to get through each group in 8 minutes but it was cool to really be able to ask each kid individually what they were. I think my favorites were H, the girl who's tried to trick me into giving her badges before was Darth Vader. Not only was I thinking yeah badass, you BE that chick that's a guy character and secondly... well I mean, how fitting? Then S, the little guy who's IMPOSSIBLY adorable but who is majorly hyper and ADD was Speed Racer and did a cute thumbs up pose for the photo. That boy is too awesome. There were probably ten clone troopers of various colors and five Anakin Skywalkers. It fills my heart with fluffy, nerdy goodness to see Star Wars still be one of te most popular Halloween themes. Even if they're prequel-related or animated Clone Wars related. It means they'll still be interested enough to check out the original series eventually.

So after lunch it's my job to run to Wal-Mart (still in my costume) and get the photos all printed. Takes me a bit to put them all on a CD-R, in case the digital camera of Colony 1's card is too old for the Kodak machine I like having back-up. So I get there and find that a huge amount of the photos have red eye and all this so I start enhancing them one by one. There ended up being 139 photos to print. Oi. There should really be a mass enhance on those machines. Then it took forever to print each one AND I made both rolls run out of paper. Was a weee bit embarrassing, to say the least. But after spending an hour and a half of my workday at Wal-Mart I hurried back with an hour left in the school day and handed them out in time for us to all glue them to cut out bats to make cards, I guess. Turned out decently!

My brother dressed up as an undead samurai to go trick-or-treating a little bit and then go to a Halloween party with his girlfriend (the undead geisha). It looked pretty sweet, actually, I wish I'd not been taking a nap half the afternoon so I could have helped with his make-up more since I discovered special effects make-up is SO fun to do in costume and make-up class a year ago. I got to help a bit with his hair and touching up some make-up while Jen was doing her own thing. Then once they left the parents and I sat down to watch Speed Racer and they loved it even more than I did, I think! I personally thought it was a fantastic movie, the style's awesome , I don't much care if people said they think it makes their eyes bleed. It's based off a cartoon, an anime, nonetheless so if you keep that in mind, the movie's right on base.

And woo me almost forgetting to blog on day 1 of NaBloPoMo.

1. Daddy, our baby's gone...

2008-10-27T13:51:00.005-05:00

As I start off this blog, I'm not really sure what it'll become. I have a LiveJournal, but it's full of emo and rants and things very personal that I'm not particularly wanting the world at large to see. But I wanted to try NaBloPoMo for a month now that I've got a job and things to actually talk about every day besides trivial online drama or my own little mind. So I decided to start anew, with a blog rather than an LJ.

So anyway, I'm now working in an elementary school as a paraprofessional - Colony 1 computer tech. It's fun! I feel like it's my first real adult job - hell, I even get insurance! And the kids call me Ms. Livermore. I'm officially an Adult. Colony 1 is Kindergarten and 1st grade so I've gone from working with middle schoolers and high schoolers at the summer camp to the tiniest of the tiny. It's different - crazy - but not in a bad way. Just different. I've adjusted well enough, I think, instead of saying "Holy Crap" I've forced myself to say "Holy Cow" etc.

One thing I've found is similar whatever the age group, though - Parents. As horrible as a kid can behave, the parents take an entirely different skill set to deal with. Some are great! They volunteer and help with all the kids and have senses of humor and low and behold - their kids are usually great too. But there are the parents who either think their kid is God's Gift to the world and can do no wrong, so their kids end up being spoiled brats who don't think they need to follow the rules everyone else does. OR they're clingy, nosy, and hover around when they should really be letting us do our job and end up with oversensitive, babied children who are used to special treatment. It's ridiculous. We have a boy in our colony whose mother volunteers, which is great and all... but I never see her with a child that's not her own. She just follows him around all day! He comes outside late to recess, and if the kids do, they're not supposed to be able to go up to the big playground, they're supposed to stay back on the small one with the kids who chose to because they've missed the bell to go up. Teaches them to be on time and not dawdle getting their stuff together or in the lunch room. He comes out late, so we say he has to stay down, and his mom's all "Oh, I'll just take him up..." Lady, our inconvenience isn't the point here. We're trying to teach the kids the importance of being on time.

Then today, he comes in to play computer games, which the kids are allowed to do in the afternoons IF they have all their work done and have a computer pass. Well, they said that the substitute didn't know where the computer pass was, so that's all well and good, I set him up on a computer - and his mom follows him in and sits down next to him to play together. Bleh. I want to eyeroll a little bit but go on with my work when later it's time for his gym class, so i tell him it's time to stop and go to gym - he proceeds to have a fit if his mom won't come with him, which she won't because it's gym. But the fact that because his mummy wouldn't go with him he decided that meant he just didn't need to go - he said he was going to go home early with her and that gym and music weren't important. I winced. What an arrogant little turd. He's the type who argues with us over everything, and I know it's because of this. I hope he ended up going without his mum and if not that he doesn't get a bloody grade. It's ridiculous! You'd think parents would be easier to deal with, but the fact that you have no ability over them, can't hold them accountable - as bad as a kid can be, you have the power to do something about it. Parents know they can get away with it all... and I've come to really detest the ones who do.

Fixing a hole...

2008-10-24T23:53:00.003-05:00

"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
I'm filling the cracks that ran though the door
and kept my mind from wandering
where it will go

And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
See the people standing there
who disagree and never win
and wonder why they don't get in my door

I'm painting my room in a colorful way,
and when my mind is wandering
there I will go

And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong
I'm right where I belong
I'm right where I belong
Silly people run around
they worry me and never ask me
why they don't get past my door

I'm taking my time for a number of things
that weren't important yesterday
and I still go

I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go
where it will go
I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in
and stops my mind from wandering
where it will go"
~ The Beatles ~