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27. Keep on truckin'

Well, I asked for my life to pick up, and that's certainly what it's been doing. Sure, I spend a lot of time playing WoW every night still, and with the ne Ulduar 3.1 content, you can't much blame me. (Take my word for it) but at the same time, I'm not just playing WoW to fill the hours anymore. I hop on, do my dailies to relax while listening to music for an hour or so in the afternoon, then I log off until raid time pretty much. I've gotten into a new RP, which while it sounds like more nerdy internet time - it's very invigorating for me. I've been writing again because of it, which is why I'm addicted to RP, plus, you know Harry Potter nerd + other writers/HP nerds = Love. But I like writing enough to want to do it a fair amount, but not enough to do it without motivation or incentive to. So I love having that going again, gets me off WoW and doing something a little more stimulating on the computer.

I've started working out again too. We finally cleaned off the damn treadmill and it's been really nice outside, so I've done some walking and jogging lately. Always feels good. Last Thursday, a few online friends of mine stopped by to visit and go to the Mall of America with me - so fantastic to be doing things and have plans and be out with people. Kate basically shopped for summer clothes for me, which was awesome because now I have stuff I can wear for my new office position that's nice and casual-professional. I'll have to go shopping again in June when I've hopefully lost a bit of weight. Then Friday night my brother and I roadtripped up to Eau Claire to meet my friend Kayla for dinner and gossip, then we stayed at a hotel watching a horrible "scary" movie with Nathan Fillion in it. It was really cool getting away from the house with my brother. We never run out of things to talk about (even if conversation does dissolve into WoW half the time) and I say this every time it happens, but it continues to surprise me every time I realise he's an adult now. Weeeeeird. He had to get up the next morning to go take his UWEC placement exams since they were kind of the reason we were in Eau Clair to begin with and I couldn't help but wonder what next fall's going to be like without him. He'll be at college living his own life and I'll be the one stuck at home and doing things here.

It's kind of a bummer, really. I mean, I'm so happy he got into UWEC and I hope he really thrives there with his music. To hear him talk to Kayla about the program was so fantastic. I could just how into music he's become and that hell, wow, he really does know his stuff.

Continues to motivate me to look into going back to school, at least part time. I need to. I'd love to keep my job at the moment, but what I do outside my job needs to be different next year. I want a life again. I called River Falls and it looks like doing something part time's gonna be difficult as most of the classes I need are during the day, but the good news is, I can see their class schedule for the fall already so I can go and find all the ones I could possibly do and have them ready to list if the admissions office/advisors seem skeptical. And the part time gig would only be for a year, so maybe I can get any gen eds or requirements like Spanish I need done out of the way that might be available later and then I can come on full time fall 2010. Other option might be some classes at century, although most outside of normal hours classes are probably online, and I'd really like something to get me out of the house and motivate me.

Then again, this is all assuming I even HAVE this job next year. I got my pink slip yesterday, so as of now I technically don't have this job next year, and it says I can reapply online as an external candidate again, but my ob in particular also relies on grant money. Sure, grant money they've gotten for 10+ years now, so I don't see why they wouldn't again, but it's frustrating that I cant do anything about it until I *know* either way. So my parents advised me to look into other avenues in general, which I suppose I will.

But now I must go home and veg. for a bit.

26. I get by with a little help from my friends...

Back at home, back at work, etc. etc. Man... I was so emotional coming home on Sunday night. I'm such a SAP when it comes to my college friends. I miss them so much it can drive me a little crazy. I've got about four people now saying how awesome it'd be if I moved back down to Florida. And they're absolutely right - it would be VERY awesome. However, my job is here, and while it's not a permanent job in any sense of the word, it pays well, has fairly nice hours, and most importantly - I enjoy it. If I moved to Florida I'd lose the one reason I can consider moving out these days. The cost of living in Orlando or Boca, or even Florida in general is a lot higher than around here, and jobs don't pay nearly as much - even if I got an equivalent education job, their public school system down there is way underfunded. And without said nice job, I lack the funds to pay rent, and then that means that I won't be able to get the apartment.

So really, my only options if I really want to try and move to Florida are getting INSANELY lucky and somehow finding a job down there that's as good as my current one - or going back to school full time down there so that my parents would help a bit with rent. FAU looks to have a way nicer education program than I'd anticipated, so it's not... out of the question or anything, but there has to be a damn good reason to spend the money to move all the way down there and then subsequently spend the money I'd have to to travel home every holiday, yadda yadda - and I'm afraid "awesome roommates" don't count as great reasoning. Definitely a big ol' Pro when considering the option, but it can't be the only thing I get out of it that I couldn't here.

I really need to get my ass back in school, at least part time. My mom's wondering why the urge to move out and make friends and get out of the house hasn't motivated to applying and getting the ball rolling - but my thought is kind of like... isn't that what screwed me over the first time I went to college? I ended up not being there for me or for school. I wanted to go back every year to get out of my house, to be with my friends, to be in that awesome atmosphere. And lo and behold, I dropped out because I wasn't motivated by classes. So why would I want to start that cycle off straight away by only going back to school because I want to be in the social environment of it again and to move out.

Sure, I know I want to go in a different direction now, and I feel much, MUCH more strongly about it these days - but is it enough? I dunno. I'm pretty petrified about going back and failing again, just think if I failed all the way across the country? Again? I'd be screwed. So part of me just can't quite wrap my hand around the possibility of going far. The other part of me can't stand having found people I felt like I belonged with more than anyone, and willingly putting myself so far away from them. Especially if they're in the same sort of 'could-use-a-roommate' position I am. Mom says don't worry, you'll make new connections wherever you go... which I know will help a LOT. But... I want my old connections back, dammit. XD I feel so at ease living with Alexa and just sitting around doing our own things while having the other to bounce ideas off of, or tell each other about our day. Having her presence around last week, even if we were both doing different things on our laptops... that's how I always imagined it'd be if/when we'd get an apartment together. And then going out at night or just picking a free night to watch a movie together or go out...

Hell, I felt at home chilling with Rob and Rick, chatting happily about WoW, getting meals together, talking about money and work. And Chris, even for just the day, going shopping with him, discussing our current weight loss (or lack thereof). Then having Megan around for a week in February, talking about our schools and having each other to joke with again - and Kev, man, I forget how big of a connection we made sometimes since we don't talk often, but when we do get the chance to talk? Bam, it's like it's been a day. They were my FAMILY for four years. I was way more crushed about leaving them than my actual family, shouldn't that mean something? And Mom reminds me of the drama and it's like oh please. ANY group of friends has drama, just like our family has plenty of drama. Drama doesn't scare me. I know what soul-draining, regrettable friends feel like - the ones you DO want to avoid. And they're not them.

Hell, Allie and Eric need a live at home nanny. Even THAT's tempting. Maybe I should think about this when I'm not all wrapped up in the sheer emotion of missing my friends.

Or maybe I just take the fire it lit under my ass and run with it. All I know is thinking about it constantly since returning is exhausting.

25. Robtar, Disney, and Puking... oh my!

Funny how a place that felt so unlike home for four years of my life almost felt homey as I returned to it. I always said while I really did enjoy going to school in Florida (aside from hurricanes, etc) I never wanted to live here.

Now I'm not so sure. Well, okay, maybe part of it is the fact that it just brings me back to being at school again and my friends being here and things, or maybe part of it is just that a place always looks better when you return after being away for a long time - Minnesota did too. But I remember coming into the familiar Orlando airport on Saturday and a big part of me suddenly felt like it was right.

This of course was all outside of the part of me that felt SICK AS HELL. I woke up Saturday at home feeling feverish and proceeded to throw up. Hoping it was just something I ate combined with tylenol, I packed in a half-hour and felt fine on the drive to the airport. Grabbed a muffin and some water on my way to the gate, got on the plane, buckled in and all, then right as the seatbelt sign went on, I felt my stomach lurch again and I quickly made my way back to the toilet of the plane and threw up again. It was a little frightening, being in the bathroom when the flight attendants were being told to prepare for take-off. But I sat back in my seat and with some Sprite, managed to feel better.

Seeing Rob again is always utterly faaaabulous, of course. His boyfriend Rick is a total sweetheart too, kind enough to let me crash with him. We got up early on Sunday to make our way over to Animal Kingdom - after me waking up at 5am to puke again. Was visiting the bathroom every chance I could for the majority of the morning as well, but we managed to get to the rides we wanted, but I finally had to admit how shitty I was feeling to the boys. Puking after I ate ANYthing, and going to the bathroom as often as I could... not a fun way to spend Disney. We visited health services and I downed some Pepto and popped some Imodium - hoping hoping I'd be able to keep down some of the deliciousness from Epcot: Italy.

We met up with Tiffany and headed over to Epcot. Rob and Tiff oogled the hot waiters, and I had no such luck with the food. Of course it was exactly what I shouldn't have been trying to put in my stomach, but they had no broth soups or crackers, dammit. Afterward we were walking back to the Monorail, but I felt like Such. Shit. Felt like I was really going to pass out in the 90 degree weather and dragging my feet 10 yards behind everyone else. I would have asked to just go home if we hadn't planned to meet Rebecca over at Magic Kingdom.

But then Rob had one of his strokes of genius: The Wheelchair. At first, I was skeptical... did I really want to trade slowing them down by lagging behind to forcing them to push me around all day? Well, it ended up working out fantastically as not only was it one of THE main sources of entertainment for the rest of the night, but it let me save all my energy and put it into actually having fun. Man, it was awesome! Plus, it got us some nice cuts in lines. Seeing Rebecca again was a thrill, like always - we keep growing up in different places, but we're still the same people as ever. I love her to death, although it would have been nice to get a chance to actually sit and talk with her. Since we were getting line cuts, we were actually on the move for most of the evening, and being in a wheelchair makes it hard for you to participate in walking conversation when it forces you to crane your neck up the whole time, AND forces them to bend their heads down to you too, which is hard when they're trying to walk. But yeah, I'll need to really call and talk to Rebecca soon. Been far too long.

Was an interesting perspective to say the least. Saw many a Disney bathroom and would be the first in line to sign a petition for them to improve the quality of their toilet paper, but, it ended up being a great day. I wish I'd taken more pictures.

In fact, I need to take more pictures period. I've hardly taken any this whole trip and dammit I didn't get one with Chris yesterday. Yar. I've also decided I'm going to have to get my own phone and phone plan, because Rob, Alexa and others do more texting then calling these days. And my brother just got what limited, expensive texting capabilities I did have taken away.

More later, but for now, I'm gonna use what little time I have here to revel in my current social opportunities.

24. Social Nerd... yes.

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Social Nerd You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go so far as to call you a hippie, but some of you may be tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possible the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activies that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around. ^_^
Drama Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Musician
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I post because that's much more spot on than any "How Nerdy Are You?" quizzes I've taken. :D

23. Past-Meg Does Not Want

Finally writing again - it's true, I failed my NaBloMo goal, however there's always another month and the fact of the matter is I really enjoyed doing it, especially getting feedback from friends I don't get to talk to every day and realising, even if I'm not having new adventures at college every day anymore, my life's still got enough stories to tell not to be boring.

On Tuesday this week, I had a tech meeting in the morning, hosted at my old elementary school. I haven't been there in years so after it was over, I was on my lunch and still had to go to Wal-Mart, sooo I thought I'd take a few minutes to look around before heading out. The obvious reactions were there: I remembered the halls but things have changed - there are new teachers 'names where all the old ones used to be, the walls have been redone here or there, it wasn't nearly as dark as I remembered with the front hall being done completely in a deep brown brick. I thought about popping down to see the old band teacher cause he was a young guy back when I had him and I knew he still worked there... but no. I knew exactly which teacher I couldn't leave without peaking in on. In hindsight I'm a little embarrassed - that morning I'd forgotten to set my alarm for a half hour earlier so I had to run out of the house with no shower or make-up and very frazzled. I wasn't looking my best - don't know why that would matter to a teacher who had me when I wore nothing but sweatpants, or who coached me in those ugly softball uniforms... but it did. I hear Mr. Belter's booming voice before I even got to the end of the hall and lucky for me his door was open and he was standing at the front of the room in perfect eyeline of anyone who walked by. So I gave him a little wave and he obviously recognised me and waved back, although I could tell he wasn't sure how he recognised me. I chilled outside in the hall for a minute or two while he finished telling the kids their math assignment, then he came out to meet me - and I adore Mr. Belter.

He squinted at me and said "I know you..." I laughed, hinted that I was a previous student and softball girl and he I could tell it was on the tip of his tongue. As soon as I gave him my name, he pulled me into one of his big bear hugs and asked me how I was and what I'd been up to. The part that I'm still thinking about is my answer... I told him about my job at this elementary school, I told him I was there for a tech meeting... then I told him I went to school for digital arts, and when he asked if I was done with school I said yes. As in, graduated. I didn't really lie - though I have NO clue why I said digital art when I switched to Studio... and I knew full well he was assuming I graduated, but I didn't clarify otherwise. Then he said, with this big proud grin "I'm not surprised."

Yeah. I wouldn't be either as that's exactly what I was supposed to do - go to school for something I love, graduate with flying colors, be one of those Good Students I always was - not just in Mr. Belter's 6th grade class, but through Jr. High and high school. Ask anyone from my past and they would never have thought I'd be a college dropout. I've been getting away with telling most people that I just withdrew because I wanted to change programs, but the many F's and absences and breakdowns that led to that decision aren't ever in the discussion. The last thing I could do would be to disappoint my absolute favorite teacher in the world. I told him I was working until I could go back to school for education, again, he was ever-so proud and supportive. He brought me into the classroom and asked if I wanted to sit in and help out for the day. I would have given anything to be able to say yes and observe him teach from a non-student perspective. He's so awesomely joke-mean but in that way that makes kids love him - I think that's the skill Kenny always had as a counselor at camp too. I remember him high-fiving my best friend Nina for shoving a kid in the snow because the guy was being a jerkface. I remember him running us every day, got my best mile time ever that year. There was so much about his teaching style that I'm in awe of, because it seems to work on everybody.

He had photocopies of his previous classes from yearbooks and it was fun to find myself. One girl needed help with her math and he directed me over to her saying jokingly that I could probably help her better than he could and then she proceeded to ask me the circumference of a circle and I completely stood there like an idiot with my brain going "Geo...metry? lolwut?" and I had no clue - luckily apparently she wasn't supposed to be working on that and I got out of it but that was slightly frightening.

After ten minutes or so I admitted that I couldn't stay and had to get back to work, so he gave me another rib-crunching hug and we said goodbye. I walked out of there both so happy to have seen him again, especially in the classroom, and also... so, so disappointed in myself. Both that I'd stretched the truth about what I'd done just to make myself look more put together than I am, and of course that I'm not his Good Student anymore. Thinking about it, I feel like I've failed him a bit. Along with a few other teachers, and then of course all the way back to completely failing my parents.

It's all in the past, you know? And what's done is done, it does no good to sit here and stew about what I should have done because for some reason I didn't and the only thing to do is focus one what I'm doing now and what I'm going to do in the future. But I really can't help it when I'm reunited with my past constantly here in Stillwater. I love the town, I've realised that. I know why my parents chose here to live. But I'm getting tired of making up excuses and fibs to connect childhood-Meg with adult-Meg. They're two different people, and while everyone changes... I think I liked childhood-Meg better.

22. Stories from the... computer lab.

Had a fairly relaxing weekend - brother's birthday party happened Saturday night, so that was "exciting". Woo ten 18 year olds hanging out in the living room playing rock band. Wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been trying to do heroics for the first time in a few weeks, and was on vent at the same time. But yeah, they didn't help me try to reset my sleep schedule.

Anyway, I've got some stuff I want to write about but I'm not really in the mood at the moment, soooo I thought I'd share some stories the kdis have been writing for the newsletter. We've got a variety today:

"I am thankful for big leaf piles." - I can't help it. The writer/artist in me loves this simple sentence.

"Aliens today were invading my house and they had mind controls so they used mind controls on me. Ten I was one of them. Then they took me home." - I just love that mind control is plural.

"My mom feels like a bear. She wants to sleep all winter long. When she wakes up she will feel angry and I just feel like a kid." - ... whaaaat? I'm not sure if I feel sorry for the kid or the mom here.

The rest are standard "I like butterflies. They are cool." "My tooth fell out yesterday" etc.

21. Tidbits

Because I'm too tired today to do the complete paragraphed post thing:

- Yesterday morning I washed my hair with bar soap. For those curious, it does not work as well. Hurrah for being in a rush with no family to come to your aid and not having any shampoo.

- Kids have always mashed the keyboard when they're supposed to be typing their names into the keyboard. Some, however, are getting more creative. Yesterday we had a "dylan.com" and an "undrwar" visit the computer lab.

- Girl-Vader is still pretending she doesn't get Cheating. Luckily I don't think she's actually done it since I've been watching her like a hawk.

- Learned how to use what they call a SMART board during the late start yesterday. They're like a computerized white-board hooked up to an interactive projector. That thing's badass.

- Kids in play practice were already able to read their lines with no scripts at yesterday's rehearsal. Leaves two weeks to just work on blocking and expression. Amazing!

- Last night while rummaging for food, I opened the liquer cabinet to see if anything was stashed away. I saw this new fancy bottle in there, immediately thinking "omg new booze!" It was definitely extra virgin olive oil. Sigh.

- Today li'l S pooped his pants. Ah, the smell of K-1. Poor thing.

- Found out there's a possibility of getting some free WoW game time from a friend. Badaaaaaass!

- Thank god it's Friday. I won't feel bad if I go home and SLEEP.

20. Girl-Vader NOOOoooo...

Thanksgiving break's over and while I really enjoyed sleeping in, and even spending what little time I did with my brother, I need to get back on a normal sleep schedule. I've gotten about 2 hours of sleep for the last couple nights. My problem is I have a really hard time getting to sleep unless I'm so exhausted I have to pass out. Finally got there last night at about 2:30am, konked out while reading something on my laptop and woke up to find my glasses still on and it sitting on the bed in sleep mode.

Ross got Rock Band on Sunday for his birthday, and I think I like it just as much, if not more than he does. We've been having an awesome time with it, even if I have to play drums. I even bonded with his girlfriend when she came over Monday afternoon because she played it with us, and is brave enough to do vocals. We laughed and made fun of the ridiculousness of Ross's character (viking hat, goggles, blue hair and beard, plus the ugly, UGLY color comb of teal and red in all his clothes AND a warped toaster painted on his face). Jen's may have been pink up the wazoo, but at least she matched and had a decent ensemble. But yeah, been gettig my videogame fix from there versus WoW for the last few days. Plus after the mad rush to 80, I think my brain wanted a short break from it. AND I've been getting back to my forum rp a little bit. Took the time to make new journals and write up some bios.

I'm still feeling really good about my job. Seems like every time Im beginning to feel it's at all routine, I have a day that shakes things up. Not always in a positive way, but a lot of times so, and I love it. Today, we had a boy who's usually very enthusiastic and energetic acting sort of blase and apathetic. He didn't want to stick around to finish his work and he was getting unusually poor scores. One of our parent volunteers was starting to have some trouble with him arguing back about trying a lesson again, so I stepped in to deal with it for her - and apparently he needed a bit of a cry. Poor thing had some kids tell him they didn't like him this morning, and he told me he was lonely and asked why no one was playing with him. He's a good kid, too, so we talked about being lonely and that just because his friends weren't playing with him that morning, it didn't mean they didn't like him, etc. etc. He calmed down and seemed to understand, then tried his lesson again, acing it.

I dunno, kids get upset about this stuff all the time, plus some kids are just little assholes to each other, but this morning struck me a little bit. Not so much that he had that problem, it's not an unusual one for a kid to have, but that I knew how to talk with him about it. Not only that but instead of just trying to get him to cooperate and do his work, that I knew him well enough to ask "what's wrong?" instead. I could just tell he wasn't being himself. It reassured me that yes, I am good at this job outside of the computer part and busy work. I'm getting the differences in how to handle the kids, from the kids in the new play and having a Respect Rule during play practice right from the get-go, where no one talks while people are reading their lines, to this boy who really just needed to talk to someone before he could go back to feeling better and doing his work, to Girl-Vader, who I sadly caught literally CHEATING yesterday. The scores for the lessons just come up in a text document, and as awesomely smart as H is, she figured out it's easily editable and switched the numbers so she had a 9/9. I'd been suspicious for a bit when she'd been getting 7/9, the exact minimum she needed right, on her last 5 lessons but hadn't been able to catch her or Undo the document to the point to see it. (Stupid 1-step only Undo/Redo - I hate it) Luckily, the boy sitting next to her caught her and told me and I was able to Undo and see her original 5/9 score. Sigh. I think the saying about intelligence vs. obedience in dogs can be so true with kids too - the smarter they are, the less they listen to you. It's almost frightening how manipulative Girl-Vader can be. I hope she learns.

But yeah, I'm definitely feeling more comfortable in handling the little kiddos lately. Now if I could just stay awake for the week, I'll survive to winter break.

EDIT: HAHAHA little C, a boy I adore, is sitting across from me doing Spelling Blaster. I coughed and he turned to look at me - then he WINKED and said "piece of cake" and turned back to his computer. Oh yeah, and this morning I had J ask me "Are you even doing work?" when he saw me working (yes, working) on my laptop while the volunteers took care of the lab supervision. <3 them.

19. Ms. Livermore and the Case of the Wrong Pants

Okay, so I admit it - I FAIL at NaNoBloPo this last week. Oh, I've got plenty of excuses! Good ones too. (If you played WoW, you would understand.) But during the week I usually blog at work and I had to use all my free time to get the newsletter all formatted and ready to proofread for the teachers. It's a good thing I did, because they got it back to me this morning and Barb's printing them all out right now with the edits I made. Much less of a rush this month. And then along with that I was sick as hell from Wednesday night on, and when I was home I was either in bed, sleeping, eating, or attempting and failing to level my mage on WoW. Which is srs business you know. And yeah that is my third excuse. WoW Expansion = LVL 80!!! I'm almost there, and then I can chill out. Jesus, it's like a race... I mean I haven't been really busting my ass over it, but I do feel unproductive if I'm putzing around in game instead of gaining experience.

But after all that, I'm back. It's a pity I didn't blog some of the week last week because I went to a Mozart concert at Orchestra Hall on Wednesday night which was amazing. I forget how much I like his stuff that isn't the Magical Flute. Felt good to be enveloped in a musical experience again. Sometimes I miss playing in band so much.

Otherwise though, I didn't have a whole lot to update about. However - onto the topic of today's post:

Tomorrow is the play performance. The kids would actually be prepared if they shut up enough to concentrate on their cues. I don't think they will, though. At any rate, because tomorrow's the play, today was dress rehearsal. Some kids finally take it seriously at dress rehearsal. These kids did not. Every prop and costume piece was just another thing to distract them. So it was yet again another very frustrating day of play practice. I even saw Kathy, who's son is in the play and who's parents came to see it last week, and she told me that her father had "had to leave he was going to laugh so hard and he said 'that poor woman...'" meaning me. Sigh. That made me feel like a loser. But it turned around after play practice. The boys were sent to the boys' restroom which I stood outside of, and the girls to the girls' with the teacher. All was well and good, the girls somehow got changed much quicker until I was left with a couple boys. B, came out and I heard A shouting behind him "He has my pants!" So I stop B and ask him if he's sure the jeans he's wearing are his. He says yes and trots back off to the colony before I can stop him. Meanwhile, A's peaking at me through the door in just his underwear and a pair of jeans covering his front. "He's got my jeans! These aren't my jeans!" I'm trying not to crack up at this point and people are walking by hearing pieces of the conversation:

"A, just try them on, if they don't fit, we'll get B and exchange pants."
"A, you can at least put your shirt on while you wait."

On of our receptionists walked by and asked me if I was loitering outside the men's room with a laugh. Another embarrassing moment was when, after telling A repeatedly to keep the door shut while he waited, it opened and I proceeded to call his name in reprimand and a full-grown teacher walked out and looked at me as if he'd done something wrong. "Oh.. uh... sorry, I'm waiting for the student in there..." I look a little creepy then. Most teachers knew exactly what was going on when i said "dress-rehearsal" as they walked by.

But I was basically laughing throughout the whole thing. Finally I had to go and get B myself and drag him back up to the bathroom so they could switch jeans. Sigh. Crisis averted.

"He has my pants!!"

Totally worth it.