27. Keep on truckin'

Well, I asked for my life to pick up, and that's certainly what it's been doing. Sure, I spend a lot of time playing WoW every night still, and with the ne Ulduar 3.1 content, you can't much blame me. (Take my word for it) but at the same time, I'm not just playing WoW to fill the hours anymore. I hop on, do my dailies to relax while listening to music for an hour or so in the afternoon, then I log off until raid time pretty much. I've gotten into a new RP, which while it sounds like more nerdy internet time - it's very invigorating for me. I've been writing again because of it, which is why I'm addicted to RP, plus, you know Harry Potter nerd + other writers/HP nerds = Love. But I like writing enough to want to do it a fair amount, but not enough to do it without motivation or incentive to. So I love having that going again, gets me off WoW and doing something a little more stimulating on the computer.

I've started working out again too. We finally cleaned off the damn treadmill and it's been really nice outside, so I've done some walking and jogging lately. Always feels good. Last Thursday, a few online friends of mine stopped by to visit and go to the Mall of America with me - so fantastic to be doing things and have plans and be out with people. Kate basically shopped for summer clothes for me, which was awesome because now I have stuff I can wear for my new office position that's nice and casual-professional. I'll have to go shopping again in June when I've hopefully lost a bit of weight. Then Friday night my brother and I roadtripped up to Eau Claire to meet my friend Kayla for dinner and gossip, then we stayed at a hotel watching a horrible "scary" movie with Nathan Fillion in it. It was really cool getting away from the house with my brother. We never run out of things to talk about (even if conversation does dissolve into WoW half the time) and I say this every time it happens, but it continues to surprise me every time I realise he's an adult now. Weeeeeird. He had to get up the next morning to go take his UWEC placement exams since they were kind of the reason we were in Eau Clair to begin with and I couldn't help but wonder what next fall's going to be like without him. He'll be at college living his own life and I'll be the one stuck at home and doing things here.

It's kind of a bummer, really. I mean, I'm so happy he got into UWEC and I hope he really thrives there with his music. To hear him talk to Kayla about the program was so fantastic. I could just how into music he's become and that hell, wow, he really does know his stuff.

Continues to motivate me to look into going back to school, at least part time. I need to. I'd love to keep my job at the moment, but what I do outside my job needs to be different next year. I want a life again. I called River Falls and it looks like doing something part time's gonna be difficult as most of the classes I need are during the day, but the good news is, I can see their class schedule for the fall already so I can go and find all the ones I could possibly do and have them ready to list if the admissions office/advisors seem skeptical. And the part time gig would only be for a year, so maybe I can get any gen eds or requirements like Spanish I need done out of the way that might be available later and then I can come on full time fall 2010. Other option might be some classes at century, although most outside of normal hours classes are probably online, and I'd really like something to get me out of the house and motivate me.

Then again, this is all assuming I even HAVE this job next year. I got my pink slip yesterday, so as of now I technically don't have this job next year, and it says I can reapply online as an external candidate again, but my ob in particular also relies on grant money. Sure, grant money they've gotten for 10+ years now, so I don't see why they wouldn't again, but it's frustrating that I cant do anything about it until I *know* either way. So my parents advised me to look into other avenues in general, which I suppose I will.

But now I must go home and veg. for a bit.

26. I get by with a little help from my friends...

Back at home, back at work, etc. etc. Man... I was so emotional coming home on Sunday night. I'm such a SAP when it comes to my college friends. I miss them so much it can drive me a little crazy. I've got about four people now saying how awesome it'd be if I moved back down to Florida. And they're absolutely right - it would be VERY awesome. However, my job is here, and while it's not a permanent job in any sense of the word, it pays well, has fairly nice hours, and most importantly - I enjoy it. If I moved to Florida I'd lose the one reason I can consider moving out these days. The cost of living in Orlando or Boca, or even Florida in general is a lot higher than around here, and jobs don't pay nearly as much - even if I got an equivalent education job, their public school system down there is way underfunded. And without said nice job, I lack the funds to pay rent, and then that means that I won't be able to get the apartment.

So really, my only options if I really want to try and move to Florida are getting INSANELY lucky and somehow finding a job down there that's as good as my current one - or going back to school full time down there so that my parents would help a bit with rent. FAU looks to have a way nicer education program than I'd anticipated, so it's not... out of the question or anything, but there has to be a damn good reason to spend the money to move all the way down there and then subsequently spend the money I'd have to to travel home every holiday, yadda yadda - and I'm afraid "awesome roommates" don't count as great reasoning. Definitely a big ol' Pro when considering the option, but it can't be the only thing I get out of it that I couldn't here.

I really need to get my ass back in school, at least part time. My mom's wondering why the urge to move out and make friends and get out of the house hasn't motivated to applying and getting the ball rolling - but my thought is kind of like... isn't that what screwed me over the first time I went to college? I ended up not being there for me or for school. I wanted to go back every year to get out of my house, to be with my friends, to be in that awesome atmosphere. And lo and behold, I dropped out because I wasn't motivated by classes. So why would I want to start that cycle off straight away by only going back to school because I want to be in the social environment of it again and to move out.

Sure, I know I want to go in a different direction now, and I feel much, MUCH more strongly about it these days - but is it enough? I dunno. I'm pretty petrified about going back and failing again, just think if I failed all the way across the country? Again? I'd be screwed. So part of me just can't quite wrap my hand around the possibility of going far. The other part of me can't stand having found people I felt like I belonged with more than anyone, and willingly putting myself so far away from them. Especially if they're in the same sort of 'could-use-a-roommate' position I am. Mom says don't worry, you'll make new connections wherever you go... which I know will help a LOT. But... I want my old connections back, dammit. XD I feel so at ease living with Alexa and just sitting around doing our own things while having the other to bounce ideas off of, or tell each other about our day. Having her presence around last week, even if we were both doing different things on our laptops... that's how I always imagined it'd be if/when we'd get an apartment together. And then going out at night or just picking a free night to watch a movie together or go out...

Hell, I felt at home chilling with Rob and Rick, chatting happily about WoW, getting meals together, talking about money and work. And Chris, even for just the day, going shopping with him, discussing our current weight loss (or lack thereof). Then having Megan around for a week in February, talking about our schools and having each other to joke with again - and Kev, man, I forget how big of a connection we made sometimes since we don't talk often, but when we do get the chance to talk? Bam, it's like it's been a day. They were my FAMILY for four years. I was way more crushed about leaving them than my actual family, shouldn't that mean something? And Mom reminds me of the drama and it's like oh please. ANY group of friends has drama, just like our family has plenty of drama. Drama doesn't scare me. I know what soul-draining, regrettable friends feel like - the ones you DO want to avoid. And they're not them.

Hell, Allie and Eric need a live at home nanny. Even THAT's tempting. Maybe I should think about this when I'm not all wrapped up in the sheer emotion of missing my friends.

Or maybe I just take the fire it lit under my ass and run with it. All I know is thinking about it constantly since returning is exhausting.