18. Stone Soup... I hate you.

UGH, I hate being a female and overemotional at times. Although, considering my usual track record I didn't actually break down today, so, I suppose that counts as a win for me? I don't know.

Had the kids to myself at play practice today and they decided because their teacher wasn't there they were going to be the most rambunctious group EVAR. I know they're all good, smart kids and I know I have it easy compared to teachers who deal with the kids who have severe behavior problems but I was ready to cry today after trying a few different ways to try and get them to calm down and quiet down enough so they could hear each other say the lines. They wouldn't pay attention so they never knew when to come in, they only see me as the computer lady and not a teacher with authority, so they don't hardly take me seriously. No matter what I did, they wouldn't STOP. I kept trying to remind myself, they're first graders, they're not going to actually ever sit still like you can expect from older age groups but at the same time, that wasn't particularly what I was asking for I was just asking them to listen to me and each other and it wasn't happening. Everything made them laugh, some just blatantly ignored me, some provoked others, and a couple even got pissed at the others because they were ruining rehearsal. It really doesn't help that I get them for this right after lunch when they normally will be outside burning off that little kid energy, but there's no other time in the day for it.

It was just embarrassing because there was a parent there watching since it was bring a special person to lunch day and even she felt the need to step in and tell them how disrespectful they were being. Maybe it'll be better when I have actual education training under my belt, maybe this age group just isn't my ideal age group to eventually teach, but it's days like these and moments like this where I question my ability to be a teacher. Because I know things could be much worse off, and I was getting so upset that a bunch of 6 year olds weren't taking me seriously? It feels a bit pathetic. Heh, one little girl who was obnoxious before I stopped them midrehearsal and sat them down to tell them how uncool their behavior was, spoke up afterward "C'mon guys! It's hard enough for her already!" I both adored her at that moment for being a mature enough human being to realise this wasn't easy for me, and wished she hadn't said anything because I'd hate to look like I can't handle it, especially to students. I mean, a sympathy/empathy plea can work with older age groups and did awesome when I was an RA with peers, buuuut for kids you're supposed to have ultimate authority over? I dunno. I just feel like jeez, if I get upset over this, what's in store for me when I'm a Real Live Teacher, and dealing with teenagers who do a lot worse than be loud at play practice.

I suppose all of these things help me get prepared for that. Not to mention I just haven't dealt with so many young kids in this capacity, where as I have done so with teenagers. So maybe it was just inner panic I was feeling at such unfamiliar territory. I do always have this voice in my head wondering what's taught as common practice when dealing with this age-range. And being in an actual school rather than a non-prophit organization camp has me all paranoid I'm going to handle things by going with my gut at some point and it's going to be completely against school policy or something cause as many times as I read the protocols, it's so vague and subjective. Sigh.

At least I got a lot of newsletter work done today. Productivity nom nom nom.

4. Bono, the King of Ireland

Stressful sort of day today. I finished the ballots and got the I Voted stickers all ready, but I didn't have any volunteers with me in the computer lab today which had me running around like a short-order chef from student to student again. I wish more parents would volunteer if the teachers insist on ending me fifteen kids at once. It won't even help when I get the other side of the lab up and running because if there's still only one person to check kids off, kids are just going to be sitting and waiting with their hands up versus standing and waiting to be shown to a computer like they are now. But then crap kept coming up all day like it was picture retake day and no one told me that I should come up to get mine taken for the yearbook since I wasn't hired in time for pictures before. So I completely missed that memo until the photographers were already gone. Sigh.

Although the weather was AMAZING today! Since when is it 70-some degrees out in November in Minnesota?? Of course I was stuck inside doing the play versus having outdoor recess for once but I thoroughly enjoyed driving home with no jacket and my windows down. I like that feeling whenever I can do it, but it feels especially good when the previous week you were wearing three layers along with gloves to touch your steering wheel.

But now I just feel a little bleh about the week. It's a short week, but I'm dreading dealing with voting and the election... it'll be nice that it'll be OVER, cause we got probably seven phone calls today from stupid campaign people. I'm nervous though. I'm nervous to vote in person for the first time since the last couple have been via absentee when I was going to school in FL. I hope it's warm out tomorrow too as I can't go until after work and who knows how long the lines will be. I can just feel this knot in between my shoulders not coming out until it's over.

And then I've gotta clean like a mofo so the house is ready for Thursday instead of Friday as previously planned. Mmmm mmm last minute schedule changes, nom nom nom.

I love how it didn't take too long for this blog to get whiny. Oh well. I'll be infinitely more happy if a certain candidate owns face in the polls tomorrow.