26. I get by with a little help from my friends...

Back at home, back at work, etc. etc. Man... I was so emotional coming home on Sunday night. I'm such a SAP when it comes to my college friends. I miss them so much it can drive me a little crazy. I've got about four people now saying how awesome it'd be if I moved back down to Florida. And they're absolutely right - it would be VERY awesome. However, my job is here, and while it's not a permanent job in any sense of the word, it pays well, has fairly nice hours, and most importantly - I enjoy it. If I moved to Florida I'd lose the one reason I can consider moving out these days. The cost of living in Orlando or Boca, or even Florida in general is a lot higher than around here, and jobs don't pay nearly as much - even if I got an equivalent education job, their public school system down there is way underfunded. And without said nice job, I lack the funds to pay rent, and then that means that I won't be able to get the apartment.

So really, my only options if I really want to try and move to Florida are getting INSANELY lucky and somehow finding a job down there that's as good as my current one - or going back to school full time down there so that my parents would help a bit with rent. FAU looks to have a way nicer education program than I'd anticipated, so it's not... out of the question or anything, but there has to be a damn good reason to spend the money to move all the way down there and then subsequently spend the money I'd have to to travel home every holiday, yadda yadda - and I'm afraid "awesome roommates" don't count as great reasoning. Definitely a big ol' Pro when considering the option, but it can't be the only thing I get out of it that I couldn't here.

I really need to get my ass back in school, at least part time. My mom's wondering why the urge to move out and make friends and get out of the house hasn't motivated to applying and getting the ball rolling - but my thought is kind of like... isn't that what screwed me over the first time I went to college? I ended up not being there for me or for school. I wanted to go back every year to get out of my house, to be with my friends, to be in that awesome atmosphere. And lo and behold, I dropped out because I wasn't motivated by classes. So why would I want to start that cycle off straight away by only going back to school because I want to be in the social environment of it again and to move out.

Sure, I know I want to go in a different direction now, and I feel much, MUCH more strongly about it these days - but is it enough? I dunno. I'm pretty petrified about going back and failing again, just think if I failed all the way across the country? Again? I'd be screwed. So part of me just can't quite wrap my hand around the possibility of going far. The other part of me can't stand having found people I felt like I belonged with more than anyone, and willingly putting myself so far away from them. Especially if they're in the same sort of 'could-use-a-roommate' position I am. Mom says don't worry, you'll make new connections wherever you go... which I know will help a LOT. But... I want my old connections back, dammit. XD I feel so at ease living with Alexa and just sitting around doing our own things while having the other to bounce ideas off of, or tell each other about our day. Having her presence around last week, even if we were both doing different things on our laptops... that's how I always imagined it'd be if/when we'd get an apartment together. And then going out at night or just picking a free night to watch a movie together or go out...

Hell, I felt at home chilling with Rob and Rick, chatting happily about WoW, getting meals together, talking about money and work. And Chris, even for just the day, going shopping with him, discussing our current weight loss (or lack thereof). Then having Megan around for a week in February, talking about our schools and having each other to joke with again - and Kev, man, I forget how big of a connection we made sometimes since we don't talk often, but when we do get the chance to talk? Bam, it's like it's been a day. They were my FAMILY for four years. I was way more crushed about leaving them than my actual family, shouldn't that mean something? And Mom reminds me of the drama and it's like oh please. ANY group of friends has drama, just like our family has plenty of drama. Drama doesn't scare me. I know what soul-draining, regrettable friends feel like - the ones you DO want to avoid. And they're not them.

Hell, Allie and Eric need a live at home nanny. Even THAT's tempting. Maybe I should think about this when I'm not all wrapped up in the sheer emotion of missing my friends.

Or maybe I just take the fire it lit under my ass and run with it. All I know is thinking about it constantly since returning is exhausting.

25. Robtar, Disney, and Puking... oh my!

Funny how a place that felt so unlike home for four years of my life almost felt homey as I returned to it. I always said while I really did enjoy going to school in Florida (aside from hurricanes, etc) I never wanted to live here.

Now I'm not so sure. Well, okay, maybe part of it is the fact that it just brings me back to being at school again and my friends being here and things, or maybe part of it is just that a place always looks better when you return after being away for a long time - Minnesota did too. But I remember coming into the familiar Orlando airport on Saturday and a big part of me suddenly felt like it was right.

This of course was all outside of the part of me that felt SICK AS HELL. I woke up Saturday at home feeling feverish and proceeded to throw up. Hoping it was just something I ate combined with tylenol, I packed in a half-hour and felt fine on the drive to the airport. Grabbed a muffin and some water on my way to the gate, got on the plane, buckled in and all, then right as the seatbelt sign went on, I felt my stomach lurch again and I quickly made my way back to the toilet of the plane and threw up again. It was a little frightening, being in the bathroom when the flight attendants were being told to prepare for take-off. But I sat back in my seat and with some Sprite, managed to feel better.

Seeing Rob again is always utterly faaaabulous, of course. His boyfriend Rick is a total sweetheart too, kind enough to let me crash with him. We got up early on Sunday to make our way over to Animal Kingdom - after me waking up at 5am to puke again. Was visiting the bathroom every chance I could for the majority of the morning as well, but we managed to get to the rides we wanted, but I finally had to admit how shitty I was feeling to the boys. Puking after I ate ANYthing, and going to the bathroom as often as I could... not a fun way to spend Disney. We visited health services and I downed some Pepto and popped some Imodium - hoping hoping I'd be able to keep down some of the deliciousness from Epcot: Italy.

We met up with Tiffany and headed over to Epcot. Rob and Tiff oogled the hot waiters, and I had no such luck with the food. Of course it was exactly what I shouldn't have been trying to put in my stomach, but they had no broth soups or crackers, dammit. Afterward we were walking back to the Monorail, but I felt like Such. Shit. Felt like I was really going to pass out in the 90 degree weather and dragging my feet 10 yards behind everyone else. I would have asked to just go home if we hadn't planned to meet Rebecca over at Magic Kingdom.

But then Rob had one of his strokes of genius: The Wheelchair. At first, I was skeptical... did I really want to trade slowing them down by lagging behind to forcing them to push me around all day? Well, it ended up working out fantastically as not only was it one of THE main sources of entertainment for the rest of the night, but it let me save all my energy and put it into actually having fun. Man, it was awesome! Plus, it got us some nice cuts in lines. Seeing Rebecca again was a thrill, like always - we keep growing up in different places, but we're still the same people as ever. I love her to death, although it would have been nice to get a chance to actually sit and talk with her. Since we were getting line cuts, we were actually on the move for most of the evening, and being in a wheelchair makes it hard for you to participate in walking conversation when it forces you to crane your neck up the whole time, AND forces them to bend their heads down to you too, which is hard when they're trying to walk. But yeah, I'll need to really call and talk to Rebecca soon. Been far too long.

Was an interesting perspective to say the least. Saw many a Disney bathroom and would be the first in line to sign a petition for them to improve the quality of their toilet paper, but, it ended up being a great day. I wish I'd taken more pictures.

In fact, I need to take more pictures period. I've hardly taken any this whole trip and dammit I didn't get one with Chris yesterday. Yar. I've also decided I'm going to have to get my own phone and phone plan, because Rob, Alexa and others do more texting then calling these days. And my brother just got what limited, expensive texting capabilities I did have taken away.

More later, but for now, I'm gonna use what little time I have here to revel in my current social opportunities.

14. With a little help from my friends...

Again, nothing too big today because I've got a mage to level with people, but I'm blogging again as per usual. Bit of a stressful day at work today - was multi-tasking about four things at once and finding out the back half of the lab wasn't as prepared as I'd previously thought. Plus a teacher having me proofread HER e-mails and e-mail them - what? It'd take 5 minutes to show her how she could do this herself instead of me taking thirty to get it done in between running around the lab and checking kids off. My dad calls it job security with a laugh - I call it inefficient and annoying. This is Super Sweet Teacher, and the whole adoring me and treating me like I'm ten years old while giving me a million things to do at once is getting old real fast.

Then I did the play rehearsal by myself today and damn do those kids not want to listen to me at all. I haven't had my temper tested as much as I did for that 20 minutes this whole time and then when they whined that they now couldn't go outside (because it took too long, because they would NOT LISTEN) I had to go immerse myself in lab work to cool off. Whew. They're six, what do they know, right? It's just hard to remember when a lot of the kids are so good and even the ones that are fiesty or unfocused at least aren't downright turds. Guess that's the way it goes though. In the afternoon I had a younger girl's sister come in and take her from the lab to go to divorce counseling. I know it's not uncommon, but I don't know it kind of struck me at the moment. Those poor girls.

Had an interesting conversation with the women at lunch today too. It came up the day before that I'd be up late and out at midnight for the release of Wrath (or to them, "Some Videogame") so they were laughing a bit at how tired I looked and wanted to know how the game was and all. I told them what I could, but it's not exactly easy for most (i.e. these) middle-aged moms to understand the concept or terminology of an MMORPG. One said he son does something similar, one kept asking me if it was like Halo, is it Halo?, I know people have those parties for Halo, but at least none of them were giving me the Videogames Are Bad speech. The woman with her son said something along the lines of "yeah my son does that, he gets all hooked up and talks to these complete stranger and they do battles together and all of this". Her expression told all her obvious confusion as to why anyone would want to team up with "complete strangers" for anything, let alone a fake fight of some sort.

I don't know why I found that so thought-provoking, but I did. I guess it's because I'd describe my online friends a lot of things, but the word 'stranger' would never have entered into it once. Whether it's WoW or my RPGs, these people have become as good of friends to me as most of the ones I made in high school, if not better. And not only that, they're all so different and diverse, I've always got people to go to for pretty much anything. Yes, of course, they're not quite like Megan, Kevin, Alexa, or Chris, we haven't experienced our lives together in the same way, but nonetheless some of them have bee there for me since before the senior year of high school. Some are artists, some are writers, some are teachers, many are students just like me. Some are older, some are younger, they include both men and women, many American but a good chunk not. It's just cool to think about. And with WoW and the ability for voice conversations? Raiding isn't just playing a video game with some strangers, it's a social activity that I really enjoy! Which, many probably think sounds sad, and even I get down when I have a night where I'd kill to just get out of the house with friends and I can't, but at this point in my life there's such a limbo. High school friends have moved, moved on, or I've lost touch. College friends will be lifelong, but they're not with me anymore, and we're all getting jobs or continuing school and having crazy new Real Lives to deal with. My dad tells me to just read a fucking book instead and I understand his point, but when it comes to the social aspects of the games, or the people online, this is really not only the most convenient but it's so expansive. Until I settle somewhere or go back to school where I'm put in a social environment every day, I'll certainly enjoy my time with my good friends online, whether I met them there originally, or they're old friends that I can only keep in touch that way. It's not sad, it's not like I sit in a dark bedroom and have no interaction all day with the outside world. I love my "complete strangers" thanks much - like them better than half the people I meet in real life, that's for sure, and I wouldn't have been able to survive the last year mentally without them.

I have been trying to think of ways to meet more people so when I go out for a night I have someone to do it with, but wow. It's proving difficult. What do Adults do for this?

7. Walter the MacBook

So, this is gonna be short cause I'm busy busy with James here for the weekend but I refuse to break my streak of blogging so far. Plus, I've gotten some stalkers apparently. *heart*

Went to Mickey' Diner which looks like the dining car of a train and it was a cute little place and have very butter-fried omelets and loud waitresses. It was fun and talking with all three of them was great. We may or may not see them again on Saturday before James leaves, or if he decides to be a goof and stay until Sunday and not go to work on Monday we might go to the bar and man, I love being social again, haha. I'm pretty much talking his ear off, but he doesn't seem to mind much.

At the moment he's talking to my dad about Canadian politics and a WoW commercial in French. Hahahaha good times. Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner aaand then watched the Office and 30 Rock afterward and now talking to people on WoW and trying to fulfill my blog requirements. And now my dad is done distracting him so I am done with this blog! MoA tomorrow!

I'm naming my MacBook Walter. Thank you, Megan.

6. Afterglow...

I don't mean to be extremely political in this blog, but with the election and with admittedly how much my heart was in this one, I can't express my happiness about today. President Obama. I can't wait! I re-watched both speeches last night online before I went to bed and I have to say - McCain's speech was very classy and gracious, even if his audience wasn't the most becoming. Props to him. He obviously loves this country very much. I *almost* feel bad that his VP selection shot him in the foot - but then I don't because it helped Obama win that much more. And Obama... well, I was personally willing to let myself be moved by his. He knows how to speak so well, and eloquently, and the realization that the last eight years are finally going to be behind us was somewhat overwhelming. I definitely teared up. Cause I'm a dork like that. It's sunk in more and more, the more I read about it.

Franken and Coleman are still in a dead heat in MN, the votes being recounted with only a 300-700 some difference at the moment. I want Franken to pull ahead, but I was honestly much more passionate about getting Bachman out of our district than the Senate race - and sadly, that didn't happen. Oh well.

Tonight I go home and clean clean clean for James to arrive bright and early tomorrow morning. I'm driving out to pick him up from the bus station in St. Paul, then we're popping across the street to have breakfast with Mike and Diane (Paddie & Bea)! That should be fun! Friday I'll probably take him to the Mall of America, cause... that's my standard for anyone visiting, as there's not much else to do around here! Otherwise I'm sure the weekend will consist of a lot of hanging out and eating out and a movie or two. It's SO nice that today's the last day of the week.

Okay, geek-time. I'm getting more and more anxious about the release of the Wrath expansion for WoW. Next Thursday?? What??? It's just a game, I shouldn't stress - but I'd love to actually level up and experience new content with all my guildies who were all level 70 before I even started playing. It'll be so new and exciting! But I'm anxious because I've got a lot of clean up to do on my laptop before then - moving all this extra music to my external hard drive. Which isn't hard to do but it's ANNOYING because then iTunes is going to freak out on me cause it won't find half of them, and then I'll re-load them all into the library and have to go and delete duplicates and BAH. For as much as I love iTunes, it does NOT make it easy to keep your stuff organized when it's not stored on your default C drive. Maybe I'll undertake one of my severely OCD projects and move and reorganize EVERYthing, then just re-load my entire iTunes library. Must... have... organized.. music collection.... guh.

On the upside though, now that I can take my MacBook with me places, I can probably keep my hard drive plugged into Rupert (my IBM) almost all the time, which will prevent it from losing it's place all over again so much. We'll see. That reminds me though! I need to name this snazzy new li'l MacBook. Maybe I should have it be a chick? Nah, it's too hawt. He'll get a classy name though, fo sho.

Alright, time to wipe down all the computers and go home!