26. I get by with a little help from my friends...

Back at home, back at work, etc. etc. Man... I was so emotional coming home on Sunday night. I'm such a SAP when it comes to my college friends. I miss them so much it can drive me a little crazy. I've got about four people now saying how awesome it'd be if I moved back down to Florida. And they're absolutely right - it would be VERY awesome. However, my job is here, and while it's not a permanent job in any sense of the word, it pays well, has fairly nice hours, and most importantly - I enjoy it. If I moved to Florida I'd lose the one reason I can consider moving out these days. The cost of living in Orlando or Boca, or even Florida in general is a lot higher than around here, and jobs don't pay nearly as much - even if I got an equivalent education job, their public school system down there is way underfunded. And without said nice job, I lack the funds to pay rent, and then that means that I won't be able to get the apartment.

So really, my only options if I really want to try and move to Florida are getting INSANELY lucky and somehow finding a job down there that's as good as my current one - or going back to school full time down there so that my parents would help a bit with rent. FAU looks to have a way nicer education program than I'd anticipated, so it's not... out of the question or anything, but there has to be a damn good reason to spend the money to move all the way down there and then subsequently spend the money I'd have to to travel home every holiday, yadda yadda - and I'm afraid "awesome roommates" don't count as great reasoning. Definitely a big ol' Pro when considering the option, but it can't be the only thing I get out of it that I couldn't here.

I really need to get my ass back in school, at least part time. My mom's wondering why the urge to move out and make friends and get out of the house hasn't motivated to applying and getting the ball rolling - but my thought is kind of like... isn't that what screwed me over the first time I went to college? I ended up not being there for me or for school. I wanted to go back every year to get out of my house, to be with my friends, to be in that awesome atmosphere. And lo and behold, I dropped out because I wasn't motivated by classes. So why would I want to start that cycle off straight away by only going back to school because I want to be in the social environment of it again and to move out.

Sure, I know I want to go in a different direction now, and I feel much, MUCH more strongly about it these days - but is it enough? I dunno. I'm pretty petrified about going back and failing again, just think if I failed all the way across the country? Again? I'd be screwed. So part of me just can't quite wrap my hand around the possibility of going far. The other part of me can't stand having found people I felt like I belonged with more than anyone, and willingly putting myself so far away from them. Especially if they're in the same sort of 'could-use-a-roommate' position I am. Mom says don't worry, you'll make new connections wherever you go... which I know will help a LOT. But... I want my old connections back, dammit. XD I feel so at ease living with Alexa and just sitting around doing our own things while having the other to bounce ideas off of, or tell each other about our day. Having her presence around last week, even if we were both doing different things on our laptops... that's how I always imagined it'd be if/when we'd get an apartment together. And then going out at night or just picking a free night to watch a movie together or go out...

Hell, I felt at home chilling with Rob and Rick, chatting happily about WoW, getting meals together, talking about money and work. And Chris, even for just the day, going shopping with him, discussing our current weight loss (or lack thereof). Then having Megan around for a week in February, talking about our schools and having each other to joke with again - and Kev, man, I forget how big of a connection we made sometimes since we don't talk often, but when we do get the chance to talk? Bam, it's like it's been a day. They were my FAMILY for four years. I was way more crushed about leaving them than my actual family, shouldn't that mean something? And Mom reminds me of the drama and it's like oh please. ANY group of friends has drama, just like our family has plenty of drama. Drama doesn't scare me. I know what soul-draining, regrettable friends feel like - the ones you DO want to avoid. And they're not them.

Hell, Allie and Eric need a live at home nanny. Even THAT's tempting. Maybe I should think about this when I'm not all wrapped up in the sheer emotion of missing my friends.

Or maybe I just take the fire it lit under my ass and run with it. All I know is thinking about it constantly since returning is exhausting.

25. Robtar, Disney, and Puking... oh my!

Funny how a place that felt so unlike home for four years of my life almost felt homey as I returned to it. I always said while I really did enjoy going to school in Florida (aside from hurricanes, etc) I never wanted to live here.

Now I'm not so sure. Well, okay, maybe part of it is the fact that it just brings me back to being at school again and my friends being here and things, or maybe part of it is just that a place always looks better when you return after being away for a long time - Minnesota did too. But I remember coming into the familiar Orlando airport on Saturday and a big part of me suddenly felt like it was right.

This of course was all outside of the part of me that felt SICK AS HELL. I woke up Saturday at home feeling feverish and proceeded to throw up. Hoping it was just something I ate combined with tylenol, I packed in a half-hour and felt fine on the drive to the airport. Grabbed a muffin and some water on my way to the gate, got on the plane, buckled in and all, then right as the seatbelt sign went on, I felt my stomach lurch again and I quickly made my way back to the toilet of the plane and threw up again. It was a little frightening, being in the bathroom when the flight attendants were being told to prepare for take-off. But I sat back in my seat and with some Sprite, managed to feel better.

Seeing Rob again is always utterly faaaabulous, of course. His boyfriend Rick is a total sweetheart too, kind enough to let me crash with him. We got up early on Sunday to make our way over to Animal Kingdom - after me waking up at 5am to puke again. Was visiting the bathroom every chance I could for the majority of the morning as well, but we managed to get to the rides we wanted, but I finally had to admit how shitty I was feeling to the boys. Puking after I ate ANYthing, and going to the bathroom as often as I could... not a fun way to spend Disney. We visited health services and I downed some Pepto and popped some Imodium - hoping hoping I'd be able to keep down some of the deliciousness from Epcot: Italy.

We met up with Tiffany and headed over to Epcot. Rob and Tiff oogled the hot waiters, and I had no such luck with the food. Of course it was exactly what I shouldn't have been trying to put in my stomach, but they had no broth soups or crackers, dammit. Afterward we were walking back to the Monorail, but I felt like Such. Shit. Felt like I was really going to pass out in the 90 degree weather and dragging my feet 10 yards behind everyone else. I would have asked to just go home if we hadn't planned to meet Rebecca over at Magic Kingdom.

But then Rob had one of his strokes of genius: The Wheelchair. At first, I was skeptical... did I really want to trade slowing them down by lagging behind to forcing them to push me around all day? Well, it ended up working out fantastically as not only was it one of THE main sources of entertainment for the rest of the night, but it let me save all my energy and put it into actually having fun. Man, it was awesome! Plus, it got us some nice cuts in lines. Seeing Rebecca again was a thrill, like always - we keep growing up in different places, but we're still the same people as ever. I love her to death, although it would have been nice to get a chance to actually sit and talk with her. Since we were getting line cuts, we were actually on the move for most of the evening, and being in a wheelchair makes it hard for you to participate in walking conversation when it forces you to crane your neck up the whole time, AND forces them to bend their heads down to you too, which is hard when they're trying to walk. But yeah, I'll need to really call and talk to Rebecca soon. Been far too long.

Was an interesting perspective to say the least. Saw many a Disney bathroom and would be the first in line to sign a petition for them to improve the quality of their toilet paper, but, it ended up being a great day. I wish I'd taken more pictures.

In fact, I need to take more pictures period. I've hardly taken any this whole trip and dammit I didn't get one with Chris yesterday. Yar. I've also decided I'm going to have to get my own phone and phone plan, because Rob, Alexa and others do more texting then calling these days. And my brother just got what limited, expensive texting capabilities I did have taken away.

More later, but for now, I'm gonna use what little time I have here to revel in my current social opportunities.