UGH, I hate being a female and overemotional at times. Although, considering my usual track record I didn't actually break down today, so, I suppose that counts as a win for me? I don't know.
Had the kids to myself at play practice today and they decided because their teacher wasn't there they were going to be the most rambunctious group EVAR. I know they're all good, smart kids and I know I have it easy compared to teachers who deal with the kids who have severe behavior problems but I was ready to cry today after trying a few different ways to try and get them to calm down and quiet down enough so they could hear each other say the lines. They wouldn't pay attention so they never knew when to come in, they only see me as the computer lady and not a teacher with authority, so they don't hardly take me seriously. No matter what I did, they wouldn't STOP. I kept trying to remind myself, they're first graders, they're not going to actually ever sit still like you can expect from older age groups but at the same time, that wasn't particularly what I was asking for I was just asking them to listen to me and each other and it wasn't happening. Everything made them laugh, some just blatantly ignored me, some provoked others, and a couple even got pissed at the others because they were ruining rehearsal. It really doesn't help that I get them for this right after lunch when they normally will be outside burning off that little kid energy, but there's no other time in the day for it.
It was just embarrassing because there was a parent there watching since it was bring a special person to lunch day and even she felt the need to step in and tell them how disrespectful they were being. Maybe it'll be better when I have actual education training under my belt, maybe this age group just isn't my ideal age group to eventually teach, but it's days like these and moments like this where I question my ability to be a teacher. Because I know things could be much worse off, and I was getting so upset that a bunch of 6 year olds weren't taking me seriously? It feels a bit pathetic. Heh, one little girl who was obnoxious before I stopped them midrehearsal and sat them down to tell them how uncool their behavior was, spoke up afterward "C'mon guys! It's hard enough for her already!" I both adored her at that moment for being a mature enough human being to realise this wasn't easy for me, and wished she hadn't said anything because I'd hate to look like I can't handle it, especially to students. I mean, a sympathy/empathy plea can work with older age groups and did awesome when I was an RA with peers, buuuut for kids you're supposed to have ultimate authority over? I dunno. I just feel like jeez, if I get upset over this, what's in store for me when I'm a Real Live Teacher, and dealing with teenagers who do a lot worse than be loud at play practice.
I suppose all of these things help me get prepared for that. Not to mention I just haven't dealt with so many young kids in this capacity, where as I have done so with teenagers. So maybe it was just inner panic I was feeling at such unfamiliar territory. I do always have this voice in my head wondering what's taught as common practice when dealing with this age-range. And being in an actual school rather than a non-prophit organization camp has me all paranoid I'm going to handle things by going with my gut at some point and it's going to be completely against school policy or something cause as many times as I read the protocols, it's so vague and subjective. Sigh.
At least I got a lot of newsletter work done today. Productivity nom nom nom.
Had the kids to myself at play practice today and they decided because their teacher wasn't there they were going to be the most rambunctious group EVAR. I know they're all good, smart kids and I know I have it easy compared to teachers who deal with the kids who have severe behavior problems but I was ready to cry today after trying a few different ways to try and get them to calm down and quiet down enough so they could hear each other say the lines. They wouldn't pay attention so they never knew when to come in, they only see me as the computer lady and not a teacher with authority, so they don't hardly take me seriously. No matter what I did, they wouldn't STOP. I kept trying to remind myself, they're first graders, they're not going to actually ever sit still like you can expect from older age groups but at the same time, that wasn't particularly what I was asking for I was just asking them to listen to me and each other and it wasn't happening. Everything made them laugh, some just blatantly ignored me, some provoked others, and a couple even got pissed at the others because they were ruining rehearsal. It really doesn't help that I get them for this right after lunch when they normally will be outside burning off that little kid energy, but there's no other time in the day for it.
It was just embarrassing because there was a parent there watching since it was bring a special person to lunch day and even she felt the need to step in and tell them how disrespectful they were being. Maybe it'll be better when I have actual education training under my belt, maybe this age group just isn't my ideal age group to eventually teach, but it's days like these and moments like this where I question my ability to be a teacher. Because I know things could be much worse off, and I was getting so upset that a bunch of 6 year olds weren't taking me seriously? It feels a bit pathetic. Heh, one little girl who was obnoxious before I stopped them midrehearsal and sat them down to tell them how uncool their behavior was, spoke up afterward "C'mon guys! It's hard enough for her already!" I both adored her at that moment for being a mature enough human being to realise this wasn't easy for me, and wished she hadn't said anything because I'd hate to look like I can't handle it, especially to students. I mean, a sympathy/empathy plea can work with older age groups and did awesome when I was an RA with peers, buuuut for kids you're supposed to have ultimate authority over? I dunno. I just feel like jeez, if I get upset over this, what's in store for me when I'm a Real Live Teacher, and dealing with teenagers who do a lot worse than be loud at play practice.
I suppose all of these things help me get prepared for that. Not to mention I just haven't dealt with so many young kids in this capacity, where as I have done so with teenagers. So maybe it was just inner panic I was feeling at such unfamiliar territory. I do always have this voice in my head wondering what's taught as common practice when dealing with this age-range. And being in an actual school rather than a non-prophit organization camp has me all paranoid I'm going to handle things by going with my gut at some point and it's going to be completely against school policy or something cause as many times as I read the protocols, it's so vague and subjective. Sigh.
At least I got a lot of newsletter work done today. Productivity nom nom nom.
4 comments:
Believe me. I've felt like that MANY MANY times. You get depressed and upset sometimes and feel like you can't teach. But every time, you try different things, and sometimes they work, and sometimes they don't. But it doesn't mean you can't teach. EVERY teacher feels like that.
*points up* What he said. Teaching is one of the hardest things in the world, and there really is a science and art to classroom and behaviour management. The education classes I've taken were really heavy on child psychology and behaviour and really light on things like curriculum design. Might I suggest looking into books on the topic? There's a wealth of information out there, and it's usually pretty fun and interesting reading, too. Definitely don't get discouraged, teaching is very, very hard, but also incredibly important and rewarding.
That said, I don't think I will EVER teach first graders. Ick.
I hate children.
I feel the need to immortalize this bit from our earlier conversation:
Damn cats and small children! May I never have to deal with either.
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